@Jay2023

I really should be cracking on with work but the conversation is a welcome break!

I suppose it is easier to stick to no contact but gaining control of those intrusive thoughts requires more steely determination.

Does the fact she is actively looking for someone else not put you off? Instead of making you sad, does it not make you feel ‘If I was her person, she wouldn’t look elsewhere or treat me like this. Therefore why am I wasting my energy thinking of her with someone else? If she thinks someone else can do better then let her find it.

Effectively she was already emotionally cheating on you whilst with you.

My ex even though I desperately wanted him to choose me,after all i had invested for close to 5 years when he tried to win me back, it dawned on me I was doing myself injustice, I deserved to be chosen, not an after thought. I deserved better. But I really did love him, I wanted him to grow up and not hurt someone else like he did me. I knew even if he “beat me” there would be a little jealousy at first but no sadness or wallowing because he would have found his fit, I’d be happy for him.

He hasn’t entered another relationship, but I have. I respect him for being good about it as we are all part of a mutual friend group,  I’m dating my best friends bro. He didn’t try to meddle, he accepted I really did deserve better and wants that for me too. I can’t say we are friends because I changed my number. However we have mutual friends so if we cross paths we are amicable and will have some mature interaction.

I don’t know maybe I believe in karma,  you reap what you sow. My conscience always makes me want to make an extra effort to not hurt someone. When I do, were all human, even if it was years ago I would still try to make amends. Anything bad in my life would feel like karma.

I reflected on my prior flings when it was over with my ex, some were actually very good guys, where I’d often been the heartbreaker.

I never did anything spiteful or mean but I still reached out to some, it was well received. Even those married. I just felt I had not treated them like I would like to be treated now with honesty, communication, closure and integrity. I feel better for it and I didn’t disturb anyone’s life because I had no ill intention.

I guess everyone’s different. I can’t live with regrets or bad energy.

I’m glad you’re reflecting on what a healthy relationship entails. What you need and deserve. Build your self esteem and love yourself and it will cause positive domino effect in all aspects of your life. Choose you and you choose better for yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t be selfless, it means you just set boundaries too so when you are not getting your needs met you after a fair opportunity, you walk away for yourself.