Dear Peace:

In the society you grew up in (India) boys are valued and respected over girls, girls are often considered  a burden, and poor families are looked down at. You were a girl with 7 older sisters and 1 brother. Your family was poor and therefore discriminated against.

Your father worked all day and came home in the evening. He did not treat his 8 daughters as a burden, or as less valuable than his son. He treated his children well, expecting them to study well and be responsible. He did not force his older daughters to marry and asked for their opinions regarding possible matches. When you were 9 or 10, he started showing dementia, later diagnosed with Alzheimer. He died when you were 17.

Your mother treated you well, fed you, bringing food with her hands to your mouth. She had you sleep with her, even when you were as old as 12.

Your cousins treated you as less-then, because you were a girl and because your family was poor. They offered some of their cousins tea, but did not offer you any tea. When you asked them for tea, they said: there is no tea (for you)! They insulted you, scolded you, told you they hated your face.

you felt criticized a lot (“in my society, generally, it’s easy to criticise than show love/ appreciation), and overall, you felt “like an unwanted child.. very unhappy, hurt, scared of cousins.. seeking appreciation maybe because never got some”.

Disrespected for being a girl, disrespected for being poor, you left India alone, some time after your father died and landed in Europe. And there, hardly removed from your teenage years, unprepared, you entered and exited a series of dysfunctional relationships with men.

How did it feel, to be alone in Europe… how did you manage financially, not having a family back in India that was able to financially support you???

anita