Hi Teak

I suspect their are many path a person might follow to forgiveness. The experience of forgiving and being forgiven being a personal one.  A stumbling block many have may be associating the idea of forgiveness with the idea that a forgiven person can no longer be held accountable.  That would not be Love or a path to healthy boundaries.  Unconditional Love becoming a unhealthy unconditional allowing.

I also wonder if that some times instead of healing our wounded inner child the tendency isn’t to cling to them. What makes you wonder if Felix hasn’t found his way to heal the wounded child?

The point I was trying to make in the pervious zen quote about the mountain.  When that realization (enlightenment) comes and the child is healed, the mountain becomes a mountain again… we don’t keep climbing it. Its a odd experience because I think we grow attached to that inner wounded child and attach our sense of self to it. And the realization is self isn’t usually some grand fireworks that changes everything but a quitting.  the mountain becomes a mountain again.

The memory of the disappointment and hurt by someone we needed better from continues to be a memory of hurt and disappointment.  Its our associations and attachment with that disappointment and hurt that changes. The wounded child, the joyous child, remains a part of us but is not attached to the sense of self. We are more and less then the sum of our parts, more and les then the sum of our experiences, memories, emotions, thoughts.  Bigger then big and smaller then small.

A man traveling along a path came to a great expanse of water. As he stood on the shore, he realized there were dangers and discomforts all about. But the other shore appeared safe and inviting. The man looked for a boat or a bridge and found neither. But with great effort he gathered grass, twigs and branches and tied them all together to make a simple raft. Relying on the raft to keep himself afloat, the man paddled with his hands and feet and reached the safety of the other shore. He could continue his journey on dry land.

Now, what would he do with his makeshift raft? Would he drag it along with him or leave it behind? He would leave it, the Buddha said. Then the Buddha explained that the dharma is like a raft. It is useful for crossing over but not for holding onto, he said.

We may abandon the raft but the skills we learned to build it, that becomes a part of us.

In my own experiences I have tried to carry the raft, afraid that I will forget how to build one if needed again. Its exhausting. I’ve seen others that keep re-crossing the river to get it just “right”, some that become a expert raft makers and guides… others that create temples at each side of the river…. That’s fine however I think we forget that the purpose of crossing the river for most people is to continue on the journey.