@Jay2023

You know it’s almost a year since I first posted in this thread. I can recall the desperation. It was exactly 2 days before lockdown began he called time. So this weekend I had a drink to toast my progress, I didn’t think I would be the person I am today. I didn’t think I’d be a new homeowner, ready to start something afresh with someone who had always been there but not visible. It is all timing, everyone has their own. All you can do is grow and learn to take the better roads.

So thank you for the recognition and I’m touched you read over my story. It was an emotional rollercoaster and on top had Covid 19 to deal with it was intense but it led me back to me, renewed hope and faith, taught me a whole new way to do things, see things. I became a better person because of it. I still have the same abundance of love, just giving it to someone who hopefully loves me too this time.

Write your story on here, or write it in a journal. it’s never late. One day you’ll look back in amazement at yourself! I think you already have a lot to be proud of, you mentioned in Sept you became redundant and split up with her. So look how much on your own you achieved by picking yourself up going through the torture of interviews, landing a job! Yes, you went back to her when you shouldn’t have but maybe you needed to learn the hard way, and break up sex is common.

When I contacted my ex for closure there was a moment where after all was said, we had cried and he held me, the temptation to succumb and to sleep with him or feel his body even if it was the last time was intense but something in me knew that was the easier choice. It is the difficult choices that we are fearful of that end up usually being the right ones, I had to instead love myself, which meant not going back for another round. Now looking back it was the best decision and I have more respect for him as a result.

Everyone told me to block and remove everything and I did initially but I found that suppressing was harmful it made me anxious and my mind run wild, hence the need for booze to numb those thoughts. So feeling the emotions and just learning to be more mentally strong makes you better. So don’t actively seek info or avoid. Also like any fear you can run but not hide, so better to face it head-on and allow it to shrink.

No judgement here, I’ve bent the rules a few times myself. It’s impossible to live indoors without social interaction especially when your job is wfh too. My family home has lovely fields to walk in but nothing beats a chinwag with my bestie and now seeing my new bf!

Gaming can be a touchy subject but you’ve come to that realisation yourself that there is a whole real world out there, gaming can make you a hermit if not careful, my ex used to prefer that to a date night. Everything in moderation is best. Junk tv is a guilty pleasure so indulge in it if it makes you feel better!

Just a thought that came to me as I really see you improving and doing better, in future relationships don’t let this make you want to play games to have control or to avoid being hurt. You need to be authentic and vulnerable to form a healthy partnership. I reached out to my ex for closure, most people were surprised as the general rule is don’t contact if you’re the rejected party as you will look desperate, you have no pride but I did it to heal and forgive, it was the best choice as in the end I’ve taken all the steps to be a better version and I know who I am, what I want and need. I know my self-worth and what to compromise on and give. This thread offered so much insight into my behavior I’m very grateful, that’s why I love to balance the scales and give back, So I try my best to be there for others who have experienced the same.