Hi TeaK

May last post used references from previous posts in this thread so you may have taken them out of contexts. When I say we were idiots it was in context of Fredrick’s book – Anxious people. A story about ‘idiots’ but term used only if you understand how idiotically difficult it is to be a human being, especially if there are those your trying to be a reasonable human being for. In that context we are all I think ‘idiots’

My 12 year old self would not have been able to understand that or articulate that tension of being disappointed  and hurt by those that cared for him and suspecting he was also disappointing and hurting them. That this is a realty of all relationships would not have been understood.  My parents were wonderful providers for my physicals needs however we struggled with communicating and expressing our emotional needs. Not uncommon for many families.  So yes there was guilt  and the dread of not being enough.

I’m not sure why you assume the experiences hasn’t been processed? When the realization came it turned out no forgiveness for my parents or myself was required. I could let go and allow my parents to be individuals and yes fellow ‘idiots’ doing their best like me. I could free them and so myself by honoring the roles we played.  My parents would not want me to ‘carry’ them, that was their job, one they did if not always the ways I needed or wanted, ‘good enough’. (In hindsight I as I observe the troubles in this world and how hard is is to be a reasonably good person to those we care about… good enough is pretty good!).

You are correct though, their is more work to do, more letting go and forgiveness.  Time for the wounded 12 year-old to be forgiven for making that vow. He didn’t know what he was doing.