Dear Michelle,
you mentioned that your wound might be rather related to your mother than to your father. In one of your older posts you said this about your mother:
“I just don’t know if I have a pattern of seeking emotionally unavailable people because maybe I too, am emotionally unavailable people. My mother was anxious avoidant in childhood and this was due to her upbringing. She sought out love from her children to fill her voids.”
I’ve checked the characteristics of the anxious-avoidant pattern, and am copy-pasting them here:
“Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships.
Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues.
Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them.”
It seems your boyfriend fits this description pretty well. This sentence: “They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others.” – would explain why he doesn’t want to go to therapy.
If your mother was similar, it could very well be that you’re seeking to get love from her, through your boyfriend…
What do you think?
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