Dear Ishita,

I don’t think it should be a problem that you accidentally reported your post. By the way, edits can be done within the first 5 minutes or so of posting, later it’s not possible any more.

So , could you please tell me how Rebounds are supposed to be like,

I personally haven’t been in a rebound relationship, but now I’ve looked it up, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be immediately after the breakup, but it’s the first relationship that follows a “Very Serious Relationship”. Since your friend was pretty serious with his ex, I imagine the relationship with you could count as a rebound for him. You also said he was hurt a lot by the break-up, which would make him a candidate for getting involved in a rebound relationship. Here is a relevant quote:

“People are much more likely to have rebound relationships if they were the one who was dumped. That’s because getting dumped can be highly distressing and a serious hit to your self-esteem, which is going to prompt more coping behaviors, like rebound sex and relationships.”

In both of your posts you mentioned something interesting – that you didn’t want him to think that you’re a mess:

“I was making attempts of letting my guard down around him, because otherwise I used to feel an insecurity , that maybe he is so perfect he would never understand why I am a mess.”

“Our conversations had mostly become about him, because I had again begun to feel this insecurity, that what if he feels I am a mess.”

You also appear to have admired him – but I’d say glorified him somewhat before you got to know him better:

I have always admired him, and maybe did secretly like him too,

an overachiever yet humble

maybe he is so perfect he would never understand why I am a mess

It appears to me that you glorified him, thought he was so high above you, and that he was inaccessible since he has a girlfriend, plus he’s an overachiever so he’s primarily interested in his studies. But when he did show increased interest in you, I guess you were smitten and perhaps felt like your unattainable dream may be coming true after all? You didn’t even talk much about yourself, but it was mostly about him. You put him in the center of your attention, showered him with admiration (I assume) and made him your No1 priority, even to to point of neglecting your studies.

All this attention felt very good to him, specially since he had been was recently broken up with, which I guess was a blow to his ego. So he was definitely enjoying your company, your attention and admiration. When you were a little more reserved, he’d immediately start showing more interest in you, so that he can keep you hooked on him (“i noticed how he used to act the former only when I showed as if I wasn’t very into him, which is kind of narcissistic behavior”). Perhaps he wasn’t doing it consciously, but he was nevertheless doing it.

BTW when you say he was “overly protective” of you, what exactly do you mean?

All this shows me that he was flattered by your attention, and even misled you so that he can get your attention, but he probably didn’t have serious intentions with you.

It breaks me a bit inside, thinking , that he would have probably gotten involved with any girl then, he could have got his hands on.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that “any girl” would do for him, but in a way, any girl looking up to him and admiring him like you did, probably would have done, yes. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, I repeat, just that he’s not that great guy that you put on a pedestal and admired. He might even be someone with narcissistic tendencies, as you’ve noticed. This showed his true colors, and you’re right to consider whether you even want to remain friends with him or not.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Tee.