I know. I think the problem is that I’ve been alone for a bit too long. I’ve grown cold and it pains me because I love to love. I havent felt any love from anyone in a long time. There is a saying in Russian, “A dog is only mean when it lives a shitty life”, which is true in part. I’ve had a bad 5+ years and I feel like a beaten dog right now. I am not giving up or anything, but it’s truly hard to envision something positive. I simply don’t feel it or see it. I am not expecting any miracles or asking the universe for anything. The universe doesn’t care in terms of punishment or reward. I am going to put out love, as best as I can. I think my dog would be able to really tell the story of much I can truly love something, if he could talk. But yeah, you are right. I am distancing my self from all toxic things, as much as I can at this point, and will concentrate on self love, metta meditation, and learning to love my self. I don’t know how, considering I hate my self quite a bit, but I will learn.