I did not mention one mess up on my part. Last Oct., at a house party, when I was extremely drunk, I was kissed by someone(my friend’s brother- he was also in my college but another dept.). I was very very drunk and I kissed back but then I passed out after that. The next morning I woke up and texted the recent ex about it. He was obviously very upset. We didn’t use to talk on calls ever, we talked on text only when I texted- it was the time when he had started distancing himself from me after he and my sister talked.

He went mad with rage. But still kept telling me to eat well and sleep well and not think of it and not feel guilty. It took him some time but he got over it and although I asked if he wanted to end things but he said he didn’t. His sisters counseled him that time and told him that somewhat it was his mistake too. He didn’t accept me and kept me in limbo and so I acted out.

To be honest, I had no conscious thoughts in my head then. It just happened and when I sobered up the next day, I was haunted by guilt for months together, even now somewhere I feel guilt. I wanted to tell you this because when you called me good and honest, it bothered me a lot.

For the past two days, my anxiety is bothering me again. Crying and breathlessness and moments of complete blankness.