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Ik09

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 134 total)
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  • #383419
    Ik09
    Participant

    I love Naan and would love to have a coffee topped with French Vanilla- but I want to have it in a cafe- not at home anymore.

    #383417
    Ik09
    Participant

    I don’t feel too good these days. As the marriage thing is progressing, I find myself afraid of men and the mere thought of being with someone again is giving me stress. Life consists of only my job currently and since even that is messy so I find myself out of energy and unable to participate in anything.

    I avoid talking to people because I feel so mentally drained. Even texting takes effort because It means I gotta commit my time to the conversation till the person wants to go on with conversations. I wait for the weekend to talk to anyone.

    I might be slightly depressed and except for food, nothing delights me anymore. I badly want to go out but the situation is still not so good and a probable third wave in the country has been predicted to set in late august-early September. So although I feel so trapped in my room, there is no way to escape this feeling till the situation in the world is normal again.

     

    I don’t think I have genuinely laughed in a long time. I am trying every day but when the situations are same, the results are also the same despite the efforts.

     

     

    #383377
    Ik09
    Participant

    I honestly thought I replied back to this post!

    Hi Anita,

    I was not a fan of vanilla earlier but recently I discovered this flavour called French Vanilla and I have been all about Sundae and vanilla after that. And I think French Vanilla is my favourite flavour now.

    My job is still difficult but I am coping anyhow. My parents want me to quit and try anything else but I am insecure about getting another job in current situations as all sectors have been hit heavily by the pandemic.

    How are you doing? Did you get any chances to laugh recently? I hope you are healthy.

    and, Have you ever tried Indian Cuisine? 🙂

     

     

    #382189
    Ik09
    Participant

    Hii,

    That is great news! I will tell you if something changes on my end. Since it is mid week so work is heavily on my mind. Tell me something, which ice cream flavor do you like best?

    – Your friend Ik09

    #382172
    Ik09
    Participant

    Just saw the news, heatwave in U.S.A and Canada caused roads to crack…. I can imagine how you must be.

    Water also warms up so it isn’t so that one can go take cool showers…

    Try finding out if there are any natural streams where you can go swimming… Those will be relaxing… As well as shaded areas around trees are nice… So if there are some parks with big trees where you can camp during the day… It can be relaxing to you.

    Distract your mind with books or movies (phone does not help) ….. Stories ease the mind… So drop in some engaging fictional world. I use this during my unbearable period cycles.

    Nights will be tough- but at least during the day, you can relax a bit.

     

    Tell me if any of these is possible…

    #382081
    Ik09
    Participant

    I live a little far away from Mumbai… more towards the east… It was sunny today and the temperature right now at 2:00 am is 27°C i.e 80.6°F but I am used to heat. I find the cold unbearable. Yet I took a shower and came to bed after wrapping work. 🙂

    I hope it rains your side as well so that the weather cools a bit… I can understand how irritating hot weather is. Stay cool and keep me posted! xoxo

    #382053
    Ik09
    Participant

    I can understand your situation, I am thankful for Monsoons(Rain Clouds that come from Indian Ocean) otherwise the summer heat is quite a lot here… 44°-48°C was the range this summer. Fans won’t help and I don’t have AC in my room… Unless a person Sleeps in our living room which has an AC, they will be roasted in the heat overnight (laughing emoji)

     

    Don’t worry, I will get over the irritation soon as I know now that everything is coming from the work pressure. I will draw the boundaries now. How much I can handle and how much I cannot. And the reason you pointed out… I suspect the same because only the new employees have issues with payments… All the ones in senior position are drawing good salaries (Disappointed emoji).

    #382012
    Ik09
    Participant

    Hi Anita, I have been trying to keep myself calm and composed but it’s not exactly happening.

    I feel so bad about my work currently that every Sunday night gives me anxiety thinking about the next day. I survived 6 months here but on Saturday evening after crying a lot, I made my mind to look for other jobs.

    The company suffered losses during the lockdown and now they make the new employees work on weekends as well. We cover work of three or more job roles. And the remuneration is either not on time or paid less saying that we will pay the remaining amount next month and the cycle continues.

    I first thought that maybe I am not working hard enough that is why they are not paying well… But despite working all the time… I get the same results.

     

    Everything in my life was sour… My only hope currently was my job… It gave me a sense of appreciation for myself that i am adding value to a company… Now I feel depressed about Mondays because I am working on weekends as well so there is no personal life left. And every week, they keep increasing the work.

     

    On the sidelines, my father sent me a picture of a guy. The guy and his family have also received my picture and are going through details about my qualifications and my family currently.

    My father said once they like my profile then the talks will proceed. I am not too excited even now. But I am hopeful, my mom knows I haven’t moved on and she keeps listening to me regarding work issues and encourages me to be positive. I have been very irritable these days, if someone jokes about the same thing more than thrice, I shout at them to stop and leave me alone.

    I don’t know if I am not competent enough to work or is my work situation actually bad…

     

     

    Sorry for venting out. I spoke to my friends too but she just got her job so I didn’t want to scare her by telling about work in such negative light.

     

    How are you doing??

    #380927
    Ik09
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    Yeah, Currently I focus all my energy only on being happy and stress-free. I have been working really hard at work due to the pressure but I am also focusing whatever little time i get before bed in finding a good programme for me.

    Yes, studying further might push the marriage but I don’t want to say that to my parents because they might not let me go if they get to know.

    I hope you are healthy and happy as well. I will write again in a few days. <3

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by Ik09.
    #380926
    Ik09
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I will post again in a few days. Currently, i rarely get time to write during weekdays. Stay safe, stay healthy and happy.

    <3

    #380874
    Ik09
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I can understand the fear in you. A good government gives confidence to it’s citizens to grow better while a bad one will always shift the responsibility for their decisions to the citizens and the opposition.

    Even my family and friends have been vaccinated and waiting for our turns for the final booster shots.

    About work, The place that I am working at is an advertising agency. It is a mid sized company and has been good to its employees in the past but due to losses in the current situation, we were all either underpaid or have been given threats to be laid off if we are unable to bring business within a period of 6 months.

    I am happy to inform though that my research paper which I worked on past year during the lockdown has been accepted by a reputed journal(within India) and will soon be published. And because of that I got some confidence in me and have started researching and finding out about my options for a PhD programme at a foreign university, I am evaluating my options based on availability of scholarships and also preparing for good Indian colleges as well.

    The job is fine but it makes me overwork and underpaid(currently) so creates dissatisfaction in me. And I want to do something where I keep growing better. So, I am continuing to work here but I am trying to find better options.

     

    About being afraid of love and intimacy, it is true. Because I unconsciously push even friends away. I have been afraid of doing that to people I love as well. But in all honesty, with the recent ex, I really wanted things to work. I had worked hard for a job in the same city as his… But due to pandemic, a lot changed. The place I was accepted for an internship cancelled my internship. Because of which I had to join another company online which wasn’t good enough. And since the lockdown here continued, so even during placements, I did not have a lot of options. So I chose whatever seemed good enough that time. I actually wanted to be in the same city, explore each other better, go on dates, hang out in each other’s places, have an experience of being around one another to know how life would be.

    This I didn’t want with my first ex because I was afraid I might not be able to tolerate his anger issues, which was true… During the last year of our relationship, we often fought on small issues. We didn’t stay mad at each other for long but the fights were numerous. So I was actually afraid of a life with him.

    But it was different with the last guy. But yes the intimacy issue exists. I have given time over it and thought about it.

    I will have to work on it going forward. I want to have a happy life now on, life will always have challenges but I don’t want to be stressed about everything all the time. Some dept. should be peaceful, shouldn’t it?

    #380849
    Ik09
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yeah I am good and Healthy. A little trouble in the job front but rest is fine.

    My sister got married but she is still staying with us. She got the excuse of covid to not to her in-laws. Anyways, it is none of my business.

    About him, I don’t want to but I think about him everyday. I think it goes away with time or with a new person in your life. But I think I don’t consider him as someone who hurt me so I bear no negative feelings for him.

    My father has started his research for me. They believe in astrology so their first evaluation is based on birthcharts of the guy and the girl. If they are okay then he will find out about their family, his job and literacy of the overall family. Then he said he will give me a chance to talk and understand. I don’t think about it too much or I get stressed. As it is my job stresses me a lot.

     

    How are you, Anita? I hope you are safe and didn’t fall sick due to the ongoing pandemic.

    #379877
    Ik09
    Participant

    TeaK,

    Don’t worry too much about her reaction. I love how you felt you needed to defend me, I felt you feel I am your friend too but as for Anita, she always came to my rescue, every single time I needed help.

    I don’t find either of you wrong.

    Anita had told me that I have attention-seeking behaviour in the past as well. But I only take the advice which coincides with me, if I feel it isn’t, I don’t think too much about it. Reason being that all you guys know about me is through my words only. And moreover, you guys help us think better, all the people who are posting. So I do think about all you guys say…. but if i feel that I don’t have tendencies as mentioned, I do not spend a lot of time stressing over it. If it bothers me a lot, will come and talk to you guys about it. So don’t worry.

     

    I respect both of you immensely and have grown to love you as my friends.

    Anita, sometimes we do not expect the replies we get. Let’s take it in our strides and think about all opinions before taking a strong step. I know you did it for your own mental sanity but TeaK here feels guilty about hurting you verbally when it wasn’t her intention. I hope you interact with her again and please use my thread to do so. I don’t mind at all.

    We have no retakes at life, let’s not leave anyone unhappy or discontent.

    Love and Respect,

    Ik09

    #379875
    Ik09
    Participant

    By my line ” I saw the posts, you both left each other” I meant that I saw the posts you left for each other to read…..means I saw the conversation between you both…..

     

    Didn’t mean that anybody left anybody… hehe, sorry for the punctuation mistake

    #379872
    Ik09
    Participant

    I saw the posts, you both left each other. Everyone has a life and it has varying moments with varying emotions. Nobody can be on a constant behaviour all the time and so I don’t see it as a disruption at all. I wish you both well as well. And Although I hope I don’t need to come back here but situations are not in our hands, right? Sometimes, we are overwhelmed and we seek others. I have opened up to my friends very honestly, told them of my insecurities and trust issues and they seemed to take it well. Thank god for such people. I am blessed.

    I start maintaining a gratitude diary when I am too disappointed with life. I will begin again from today. Although I am not disappointed currently. I just want to write about all of you, the good people. The people who care. People who struggle, people who don’t give up and people who bring change.

    I will come again if I am so utterly lost that I can comprehend my own thoughts but thanks to both of you and my friends… I feel more optimistic about everything.

    I want to achieve my dreams, no more backseats. Now is the time.

    I will leave a link to my website and blog here as well when I finish uploading the stories I am currently working on.

    And you both are dear to me. I know you might not think much of it. But I think of you guys as my friends and have a sense of trust because of which I come here to talk about everything. I hope you would see me in the same light. Take care both of you and I hope the next time I post, I am not sad and lost instead am leaving links to my stories.

    Love

    Ik09

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 134 total)