Dear Pavel,
you’re welcome, I am glad you connected some of the dots.
It is probably a good thing that we don’t talk that much anymore. I need to get rid of people like him. And trust me, there is a lot of fallen angels and demons around me these days..
Yes, better not to get involved deeper and try to resist the temptation to get in touch with him, because you know it’ll only leave you hurt and crushed. I myself have never tried drugs but I imagine it can open you up to a lot of astral stuff, demons and suchlike. How is it now that you’re sober, are you still haunted by astral experiences?
I am usually emotionally stable. Can not really.. feel much. And this was so real it broke my heart into pieces.
If you usually can’t feel much, it’s more likely you’re suppressing/numbing your emotions, i.e. numbing the pain. With him, all those suppressed emotions burst open, because he re-activated the trauma in a way, re-activated those childhood memories. And the pain just overwhelmed you, because it was the current pain, which you felt in relation to him, augmented by the childhood pain. It’s like the Pandora box of pain and hurt got open…
It’s a good idea to continue to work on the sexual abuse trauma during your rehab. Probably your drug use is also related to that trauma, so it makes sense to work on it together.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 