I would like to give you guys a very important update which might help u draw ur further conclusions for me.

So, as I said, today was my birthday,

And he was actually very anxious if he should call me or not.

So, this other very closed friend of ours(who doesnt know abt this issue, but just knows that I and X arnt talking)) has been continuously trying to get us back to being friends.

So today he got us both on call, and left like a jerk lol.

But nonetheless I talked to him on that call, he wished me hesitantly , unsure if he is doing it the right way. But then we had some general talks and then we dropped the call after 5minutes.

But then he called me back after half an hour and told me that he was doing some thinking and really wanted to resolve this because he was finding it very weird, to behave like a stranger with me.

So he asked that if there was anything we could resolve to get this distance thing over.

I said, no, I am still not ok, I still need more time to be fine, because this friendship meant to much to me, I am sad and angry at both of us, for letting this go down the drain so easily and it cant be the same anymore maybe.

So he asked me, that why was I holding my self back exactly and that he felt  that the toughest part for him was,” how do I communicate with you, I dont want to get too formal, nor I want to be too friendly like the previous times, and be crossing boundaries, that I have no idea , where it lies.”

So, I told him that regarding the communication part, maybe he can talk to me just the way he does with other not so close members of the club, if thats comfortable to him.

And for the part of whether we can resolve something, I said,” well X, there is probably no way I can ve able to trust u again , if u still feel u werent at fault even to the slightest extent of me ending up in this pit”

He asked me to tell him what instances did i exactly feel were the reasons for this misunderstanding.

And I told him, that I am not gonna babysit him, narrating each such incident because I feel, if he really wants to understand he is smart enough to retrospect and figure out on his own, because otherwise everything that I say, he would just try to defend hinself, making me feel like a stupid who is getting manipulated, So I am not gng there. If he doesnt feel he was at fault, then maybe our ideas on friendship are pretty different, and then it doesn’t make sense for us to stay friends.

So he asked again, that if u tell me, then I ll know what our the things I shouldnt do to someone from the next time.

So, I just tried to explain him, inshort,

I told him, that X you do understand why this distance clause exist? , its because we were having a lot of unnecessary expectations from each other, and that was leading to fights that shouldnt happen if we r just friends, (and I have repeatedly told him that even when I thought we were something)

To which he said, I always felt they were resolvable, so I didnt exactly mind.

So I said, but do you actually enjoy figting with your “just friends ” Over expectations almost each and every day??

To which he said, no you arnt the only one, I do have fight with 2-3 more friends.

So, I asked if it were just as frequent as ours.

(now, here is a bit of a catch that you guys might want to keep a note of, and even I was shocked when he told me this,) 

now, i knw since a while that he has this another childhood female friend Y, but I didnt know very much abt how close they were or what there equation is like

So he told me, that he does have frequent fights with his friend Y, but those are mostly minor issues, not as big as ours. (And she had asked him to not talk abt it to anyone)

And tbh, I was shocked and angry, like wtf kind of stupid are you?? (i dont know if thats justified to feel, but thats honestly how I felt)

So, instead of making it visible that this info had any effect on me, i swiftly changed it back to us as the focus, by asking him

That whether those issues were also just like ours,? , the one where we both are having expectations from eachother.If no, then maybe he should actually realise that how ours were not normal

Then he thought for a while (and again trying to defend himself) he asked, that what were the instances where I felt his over expectations could be the reason of a fight.

So, i counted to him the same events I had posted before where I have mentioned abt how he had behaved

And apparently he had an explanation to each one of em, except one.

So he said, i think I have overexpected just once from my side, the other instances arnt really legit to be considered as overexpecting. 

So, I said, that its fine if he doesnt feel he ever over expected, but what about the times when I did and I kept asking him, if he was feeling I was expecting a bit too much(and I used to ask that too frequently) but, he always used to have a very comforting reply, to which, my only inference use to be that he is actually trying and he does feel something.

To this he said

That he genuinely didnt feel it was an issue, he didnt feel I was overexpecting, to ask him to call me everyday and tell me everything, maybe once or twice he did find it annoying, but he said, he wasnt lying, when he said he didn’t feel this was overexpecting.

And At that point I didnt really know what to say. 

so, I asked him

“Tell me just one last thing X, during these entire two month period, how much do you feel was ur fault for me ending up feeling this was “