Sorry, there has been a break because i by mistake clicked on submit

So I will continuefor the last one

so, I asked him

“Tell me just one last thing X, during these entire two month period, how much do you feel was ur fault for me ending up feeling this was ? ”

he legit said, just one event and apart from that whatever I did to you I did it because you were my good friend and I guess its just you who thought abt everything to this extent.

I tbh felt so much gaslighted at that moment.

So I told him that “cool then, I guess I was the only one stupid enough to not see this coming, and now that you have let me know, how much of it u feel u r actually responsible for, I now know I am alone in this, and that would mean, I obviously need to still have the distancing thing until I am fine, and then maybe I ll comeback if I feel I can resolve then”

And then I asked him what was his take on that

But by then I feel even he got irritated somewhere maybe,

So he said” That as you have been repeating that, things can never be the same as it used to be, I guess thats how its gng to be, things are gng to be just the way they are rn between us whether or not the issue ever gets resolved and then maybe this is our last call then? ”

I was breaking by then, it was just so sad , realising, how much I want to be around him as a friend, but I don’t know if he deserves this friendship or should I actually let this go, and just get back to being friends( but this time with boundaries)

I just knew that I really didnt wish to lose him, but that wouldnt be justice to myself maybe, (i dont know)

But i gathered all my strength and just said

“Yes ” And dropped thr call.

So, I dont know what lies ahead, if u guys have any take on this whole thing?

Also

I would like to make another observation,

During this 1.5hours long conversation of ours,

I did ask him once, if he even cared that we were having to pay this cost for all the mess

To which he said that” You were my best friend and now I have lost you because you want to stay distant ”

Now, he had never called me his best friend before (maybe once casually in the flow of conversations but never other then that)

Infact, he has been very particular abt to whom he refers as best friend.

According to him, his ex girlfriend was his best friend ever, and he had never had any other best friend, he surely has a lot of close friend but, no one worth referring as best friend.

And so, he has never called me that.. But suddenly he did today, for the first time.

So I asked him, how suddenly he thought I was his best friend, because when we were in contact he has never told me anything like this.

To which he gave a very vague reply that, “i dont say such things easily, but thats how I feel abt u”

To which Ididnt say anything.

(I dont know if that’s a significant observation, but somewhere I feel that , maybe he just wanted to justify his closeness with me by referring to me as “best friend” suddenly,  so he could justify his actions better, by claiming to just trying to do whats expected out of someone that close) although I knew always that even if he didnt use to say it  but he used to tell me things which he didnt wish to confide in anyone else(but that doesnt matter any more i g )

Nonetheless, let me know what u guys feel about all this.

Nd what do u think is actually right thing for me to do