I am someone pretty confident about myself, but I was so into not wanting to lose him, that I eventually began to feel obligated somewhere or the other, because I knew we were very different people , and I really thought that maybe I had begun to become too much for him now, which was so wrong to feel for oneself.

by different people I mean,

– background wise we r quite different

he is not very expressive and is more of workaholic because , in his family , they donot interact  very much , but I on the other hand belong in a family where we r too closely knit, and I can say that I am actually bonded to my family.So , he kind of doesnt relate to the attachement that I have with my sisters, how ,whenever she is around I kind of priortize hangouts with her, over anything else.

Once I asked him , who is he closest too at his home.(although he might havent thought so much before answering)

he said , “I am closest to the charging point of my house, what can you even expect lol”

anyways

also , I believe I have had a lot of trouble in the past figuring things out for myself , academically( I used to be a really good student and still am,but not as efficient as I used to be ,because I have stopped believing in myself somewhere, when it comes to toughtimes) , but during my entrance preparation , I have been through some tough times due to lack of resources( not financially but demographically or so)

( which I know he cannot relate to any extent) ,

so , that had affected me real bad, like I cannot mention how bad I am still in trauma due to that phase, half of my life problems exist because I am unable to let go of that fear, and take leaps of faith .

on the otherhand, he is an overachiever to say, he is very confident in himself when it comes to acads and getting things done, and he is very efficient.He doesnt have a lot of interests apart from studies, for eg, I am quite proficient in music ,dance as well as dramatics, so I have some part of my day alloted to that, and I am not as efficient as he is (which I think is normal)

so , he kind of didnt use to like it , when I used to keep some of my work hanging ,and he as a good friend , used to keep reminding me of getting it done(but I used to find it difficult to tell him , how anxious I am getting regarding the work, and am stuck somewhere , so avoiding it ,because I knew he would neither relate to it , nor have the empathy to understand, that I dont work in the same way, I take time in letting myself believe I can get it sorted or so).I used to find it difficult to even ask him to help me with it , because I felt, as though he might think I am dumb(which is I know, my problem, but i didnt know how to work around it)

So, its not that I donot put effort on myself thinking about this comparatively better quality of him, but I would feel better obviously if he understood how I work, and had some empathy.

ALSO,

after reading all this please dont suggest me therapy , because , I know my family would nt understand so its not possible

and I think if one really gives oneself time, they eventually do heal on there own