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Dear Ishita,
I’m sorry about your negative experiences in the past that make you feel insecure about yourself, and sometimes anxious and procrastinating in your studies (if I understood well). If you’d like share more about it, you’re very welcome, perhaps we here can help you figure some things out, so that the issue is less of a burden for you.
Regarding X and your inability to let go of this situation, I’d like to ask: How would you like the situation to be resolved? Imagine this: a miracle happens over night, and when you wake up tomorrow morning, your situation is magically solved. How do you know it is solved? How do you feel? How do you act differently? How do other people act differently?