Hi Anita,

Things seem to be heavily against me at the moment.. i am trying to adjust to a new role in sales when i am not naturally a sales person and i feel the pressure to make some money because im broke. The mean guy at work had an incredible day yesterday, and has 3 agreed high end sales. But these were only achieved by squashing others in the company as i said before, he seems to make money off the back of single-income women who form the rest of the team.

While last night i felt calmer writing to you, this morning my mind was in a washing machine cycle of thinking of him, then of the bad situation at work, then him..we have one property of his for sale listed by my colleague and i felt it hanging there, mocking me, with his girlfriend´s company´s sign on it..he never said why all this time, he made a fool of me. Today i thought to myself, “please Colleague, sell it, so i don’t have to see it anymore or hear about him anymore”.

Guess what? 2 hours later she informed us that he has sold it.

I should be happy it’s gone. If I do in fact have a telepathic connection with him, then he heard me but its a crazy coincidence. But…. I feel the strong emotions again welling up in my chest and tears threatening to fall… i have to go out and work and look successful and happy but I feel like crawling back into bed.

In my angry last text to him, I said my colleague could sell his house if she wanted to, but I wanted nothing more to do with him. I explained that at work I was asked about his properties all the time….thinking back and cringing at how, when we were still talking and civil, I had told everyone about another property of his, the house where she met us. where I lived for a while…thinking we might get to sell it. He led me on all that time, said we couldn’t put it online but it was on her website. There was clearly no chance it would have been allowed by her, and he made me look like a failure in my own workplace where I already struggle to get respect.

I understand well, that when i get news of him, it sends me into this state. But it never stops. And i crave news of him although i really have little knowledge, i only looked him up online a few times, i know others who immediately are following everything their ex does.

So, before today and this news….id say i feel fairly “flat” or “empty” most of the time. No acute anything. I dont exactly feel numb, as i associate that with the aftermath of feeling intense pain caused by some other person´s actions.

I KNOW very well, this is a kind of addiction.but ive really tried this time to forget him and move forward. Other guys have not interested me yet after 2 years and ive lost my libido as well. You have to wonder what i did in a former life that led to this. My boss thinks i feel like a victim too much…but she has not walked in my shoes and i find her increasingly arrogant. My friends have had similar experiences to me and feel sympathy but equally see no options where we are.