@Jay2023

It’s okay, I don’t mind you talking about yourself right now, I have nothing major I need advice on and I’m just one of those people who enjoy helping others. From the snippets of information, I’ve learned you are self aware to not just take from others, so you’re not being selfish.

I’m in a good frame of mind and grateful for how things turned out in my life. But I will be sure to ask you boys if I do require anything and I’m sure you’ll return. If you don’t, again I have learned to have no expectations and it says more about you boys than me lol!

I agree that having a romantic relationship is not what you or the other person would deserve right now. You need to really build on who you are,  your worth, discover yourself and what you want. Learn to be happy alone. Solitude is where we discover ourselves and learn to listen to our soul, sort through the chaos and reach inner peace. So being alone is not the same as loneliness.

You wanting to repel any effort is understandable and the right thing to do to for yourself and your boundaries.

However I think you missed my point; it is the manner in which most people do things! They burn bridges by being obstinate and lack emotional intelligence. They want to be better versions of themselves but still lack the tools to deal with emotions in an effective way.

A lot of the advice out there on dating or even sustaining any type of relationship is really damaging to people. Instead of teaching ways to be empathetic, effectively communicate and work through emotions, it teaches power plays,  passive aggressiveness and that’s why so many relationships are failing. Almost as if toxicity has been normalised!

Psychological warfare is an ineffective, immature coping mechanism used to hide feelings and avoid being vulnerable. If you can’t be vulnerable you are not being true to yourself.

If you have ever come across a well adjusted person with emotional intelligence, you’ll realise they do not care to use tactics or games like that. They are authentic to themselves, do not care how they may be perceived because they know their own intent and validate themselves. Ignoring is a tool in their box but you’ll find they will only use it when being abused or harassed. Otherwise they are direct and expressive with their feelings.

For example, if contacted by an ex they directly deal with it and respond. If they are not feeling strong enough or feel communication will affect them adversely they will not be afraid to express that they require no communication. If they want communication they will not wait x amount of days etc.

However the script out there is to play mind games to have control.

[  ] If you reply you’re perceived as desperate.
[  ] If you respond immediately you look like you have no life.
[  ] Open and ignore to look like you don’t need them.

Yet the ironic thing is if you’re engaging with tips like this in any form, you are actually giving control to the other person, you’re relying on how they perceive you. Therefore at the root of all this is lack of self esteem and emotional regulation.

So yes stick to your own blueprint that inspires better emotional regulation, intelligence, and authenticity.

I’m a woman Jay,  and gender differences do play a role also in the way we deal with emotions.

A woman in a relationship who cares will always give her all, she will try when a man resists her, but once she reaches the point of deciding to leave or let go then 95% of the time she will never look back. That’s why it is easier to move on and be strong.
Whereas men are complacent, they do not realise the relationship is crumbling, they will burn bridges and then once it is too late they realise what they lost and then only a very small percentage are able to rectify it i.e. Danny. Certain variables need to exist for that.

So yes. When a woman’s done in most cases she’s done. If she’s reaching out its most likely because she still cares and wants to be friends.
Whilst a guy will only ever want to be friends if he thinks he has a chance at banging her or reconciliation. That’s what hurts women the most, they thought the friendship was worth more. Correct me if I’m wrong about your gender lol!

Don’t just wait for your feelings to pass, try and label them and source where they are coming from. That allows you to create tools to cope in future.

Definitely looking forward to you posting your selfie and reporting on how you feel! The new haircut, trim figure, venturing out. Sounds like an excellent care plan!