I can’t remember if they forced me before the meeting, but they have been adding pressure. Every person I’ve ever told about my anxiety thinks to just have to force yourself and you will be fine. But it’s not just the psysical symptons and the feeling of panic in your mind and body, it’s the fact that you have to do it in a room where some people would criticize and belittle me. That doesn’t make you less anxious but more, and it makes it even harder the next time you are in a social situstion. I guess it’s the way I’m interpreting it. I feel weak whenever I ‘m saying no (which is rare) and people make it all about being a little uncomfortable, and that I’m running away from it. Instead of listening to me, i’m only saying no when I’m completely exhausted from being anxious and facing my fears every day, I need a break once in a while.

Like attending a social gathering with one side of my family, everytime I get extremely anxious but I know that when I get there I know I’m gonna have a lot of fun. No one there is gonna criticize me. With my other side of the family I need a lot more energy to get through the day. Energy I don’t have and that’s when I say no to going.

Sorry if it’s a bit messy, I’m terribly sleep deprived at the moment.