Thank you Teak and Anita. I really appreciate the time and effort you both into the responses on this site.

Teak, thank you, that means a lot. It makes sense why I am less of an emotionally open person now. It is hard for me to turn off that “survival mode” way of thinking until I am at a place I want to be. I am still completing my graduate studies and thus unable to purchase my own home until I have graduated and start working. My parents have not divorced, but my mother and I live in my brother’s home which he purchased. My dad lives in our old apartment because he works near it. He comes here on the weekends. I will definitely try that exercise you mentioned! I started doing 5 minute meditations last month and it felt really good after completing one. Yes I would like having calls daily with my boyfriend. I’ve brought it up before but he says he doesn’t really like talking on the phone and I don’t want to force him. If I tell him I really want it, he will probably do it.

Anita, thank you. I can identify with the “Child Hero” analogy you mention. Is this common? It makes sense why I am closed off emotionally now. It sometimes scares me how emotionally detached I can be, but it makes sense why I became like this. I am still a very emotional person though with some things.. it’s strange. I wonder why I seek comfort in relationships with men. It’s like I can’t be single for long because I crave the security of a relationship. Even if I am unhappy in the relationship, there is some type of security there which I crave. I feel more of worth when I am in a relationship… it is bad, I know. And I think I “jump” from relationship to relationship because I don’t want to feel the emotional heartache of a breakup.

Even when I have known I was unhappy in a relationship and I bring that up to them, once they agree to or suggest a breakup, I feel very anxious and don’t want them to leave. Yet, I will go into it thinking I do want to leave. I also wonder what triggers this response. A fear of being alone? I’m planning to seek therapy to look into these things further. Thank you both for your thorough and caring responses 🙂 I really value your wisdom and advice.