@Jay2023 thanks for that bro. I appreciate the reminder.  I know you and Sammy have my back but when you feel disappointed in yourself like I do, the last thing you want to do is also be completely selfish on top. I know you have your own issues and Sammy wanted a break. So I do feel awful but at the same time I don’t have anyone other than my bro to open up to. With him he will not hold back and I know he will be disappointed in me.

You seem to handle conflict better than me mate. I thought I had grown but obviously I haven’t I defaulted to ignoring the issue (l wasn’t going to reply to my ex mate) and reacting impulsively (to ‘B’) both immature.

You mentioned she may be rethinking about her decision to marry, and this was what I was afraid of. I have worked on my self esteem after the blow from the ex, but the reality of the situation is I have baggage, I have issues that a woman like ‘B’ doesn’t need to put up with. I know she loves me, I feel it everyday and I love her with every fibre of my being and I know if I lost her I’d lose the best thing that ever happened to me. I know I wouldn’t find someone of her calibre again,  that’s not me putting her on a pedestal that’s pure facts. She is independent, classy, smart but above all the most kind, loving person, and the way she hypes me and supports and comforts is the stuff you dream of finding in a partner, she brings out the best in me, can she or would she say the same about me? I don’t know Jay and that’s what’s scaring me. I’ve let her down.

Once she was struggling herself and I didn’t know, but she still found time to call me and comfort me and apologised for not being there sooner. That’s the gem she is. I know this space is not normal for us, maybe she’s finally reached full capacity 🙁