Dear noname:

You are welcome to post anytime and keep your thread going and going. It is definitely not too long. If you look at the first page of topics, there is an ongoing thread of 144 pages. Counting the pages of all your threads (counting..) only 38 pages. So, please, keep going.

This is what I understand to have happened yesterday: you went on a group bike ride, received compliments and thought to yourself: “maybe I am actually special”. Next, your abusive inner critic, in the guise of Mr. Humility, said something like this (using some of your words): ‘you are feeling special, are you??? Well, you are not! Your idea of yourself is inflated!.

Next, your abusive inner critic proceeded to deflate you: ‘you are not special, you are cocky and an ass for thinking that you more valuable than other people!

My voice/ thoughts: when you felt special, prior to being attacked by the abusive inner critic, you didn’t feel anything that was wrong to feel. It is fine for any person to feel special from time to time. When people feel special they tend to be kind to themselves and to other people (it is when people feel less-than that they tend to be unkind to themselves and to others).

The abusive inner critic took on something good (that feeling-special), and being the ass that it is, it attacked you, spewing nonsense about ego and humility, scaring you into being “very much afraid of seeing (yourself) as ‘special'”- while all along, seeing yourself as special will make you a better person!

“I’m very much afraid of seeing myself as ‘special’ because I don’t believe anyone is more valuable than another”- I agree that everyone is equally valuable: we are all equally special in our ability to think and feel, imagine and hope and desire and dream.

In addition to this basic equality of specialness, some people are better at performing certain tasks and are special in this or that area.

In our daily lives we sometimes notice/ sense the specialness of this or that other person and we don’t notice the specialness of others. That’s okay, we don’t have the time and ability to sense the specialness of each and every person that crosses our paths. Sometimes we sense our own specialness- that’s natural and healthy. It’s a good thing.

As a matter of fact, in my last post to you on April 15, I sensed your specialness and told you so. I genuinely felt it, it was an emotional conviction, a certainty. I still feel it now, as I remember having felt it on that day.

anita