Yes I agree with being truthful as a cure to the imposter syndrome,  I notice the days i feel most burned out whether in my job or personal life is when i feel i’m being inauthentic. I don’t have all the answers for others and sometimes that stirs up the wounded part of myself (perfectionist & must take care of mom part) which makes my job emotionally taxing for me, especially when I’m having trouble getting in touch with the empathetic parts of myself.

I am really trying hard these past couple of weeks to go easy on myself, im really tired of feeling stuck in my own way. One of the things hardest for me to deal with right now is loneliness and sadness. Last night i was driving home from the park and had another random crying episode on the way home.

It feels like i will never be intimate with anyone ever. I know that’s probably not true because i have been sparingly in the past, but it is still a very real possibility that my life could stay exactly how it is, with good friends but no intimacy, no one to call during my lowest points. I’m not really sure how to solve this one either the sadness seems to kick in harder when i start thinking about solutions, feels hopelessly out of my control. I know you said recently having hope may be an issue for me, at the same time feeling hopeless is extremely scary and destabilizing for me.

I tried to ask myself the question how can i help you now? as you suggested, and i went to my basement put on some headphones and listened to music for a couple hours until i was ready to sleep. Although, the longing for another person doesn’t feel resolved. I guess I’m just curious how to be alone and process sadness? I mean as social animals it doesn’t seem to me that being alone and sad is how were supposed to be doing it to be able to thrive. Sadness is my worst trigger to spiral into some dark places.