Dear sossi:

“I did go to the hospital had a check up and they think it’s facet joint pain”-

– lumbar means relating to the lower part of the back, lumbar pain therefore means lower back pain. A joint is a point where two bones connect. Between and behind each two spinal column bones (vertebrae), except in the neck, there are two small joints called facet joints. Facet joints are encased with facet joint capsules, which contain fluid that protects and lubricates the joints.

in spine health. com, it reads that a lumbar facet joint disorder most commonly cause lower back pain which is characterized by a localized ache with some degree of stiffness. This pain is usually worse in the morning or after periods of inactivity.

As I understand it, if one facet joint in a pair is affected, you will feel pain on one side of your lower back. If the two facet joints of the pair are affected, you will feel pain on both sides of your lower back. If more than one pair of facet joints is affected, and/or if nerve cells are compressed or irritated, pain will travel to other areas of the body.

If nerve cells are compressed or irritated within the affected pair of facet joints, a shooting pain called sciatica can travel and radiate into the buttocks, thigh, leg and/ or foot.  If nerve cells are irritated near the affected facet joints,  a dull pain (referred pain) will travel away from the affected facet joints to the buttocks, hips and/or knees.

I suffered too from lower back pain that was worse in the morning and got better after a period of activity. What helped me a whole lot was a lower back exercise that I do every morning, which is to move the pelvis forward twenty times, then in circular motions to the right ten times, then to the left ten times, and back to straight forward ten times.

When my lower back was in pain, I did this exercise more slowly and gently,  and only a few times forward, to the right and left. If you try it, start very slowly, pay attention and stop immediately the moment you feel your pain increasing.

It also helps me to to not remain stationary, sitting down for too long,  and instead,  get up and move around from time to time. Also, I used to over-exercise and hurt myself. I learned that moderation in time and exertion of physical exercise prevents injuries and works very well in the long run. Stretching and that posture with the legs up against the wall that I mentioned, also helped me a lot.

About your mother, you described her as “a very complicated and demanding person”. Growing up, your sister hated being around your mother and avoided her best she could (“My sister was also out most of the time, avoiding the family and sulky when she was at home.. didn’t like being around”), while you stayed home with your mother, spending hours as a teen “sorting out her problems with her”, believing you “could fix these things”. Your mother has been in the habit of bonding with your boyfriends by teasing you in their presence, “sort of bonding experience for them at my expense”, you wrote.

So, your mother repaid the hours you spent trying to help her sort out her problems by bonding with your boyfriends at the time against you, making belittling comments about you to the boyfriends, in your presence. Do you have examples of what she said, her tone of voice, facial expressions or other behaviors when teasing you in the company of ex-boyfriends/ other people?

anita