Dear Teak and Anita,

Sorry for the late reply; although I am not quite sure what qualifies as a late reply and what does not. In adavance, I can say that when it comes to the replies received from tinybuddha, it can sometimes take me 1-2 days processing/reflecting time. Sometimes, I also simply cannot get straight to replying. Other than that, I will try to announce earlier that I’ll reply on a later day, as I have before.

Also, I hope you both don’t mind the joined reply again. For me it seems that things overlap and can be adressed to both of you.

The impression “that you were the person who always took care of other people’s needs, but perhaps they couldn’t take care of your needs properly” sums it up good.

Yes I took care of my siblings, and I forgot or may not even have considered my own emotional needs at all. Also, the thought of people being there for me when I needed them is very rare, and only for specific instances. For example I would still do much of the work on my own or deal with much of my own emotions, and only asking for small favors whilst having backup plans prepared. It is habit I grew into given my experiences. I do not feel the need to share much of things that happened at the moment, but thanks for offering 🙂

Some of these events I did share with friends, or with people that I met in a pilot study for a platform development focused on raising the collective awareness. I was both in a career and spirutality group. Each of them lasted 2 months, and had weekly group calls. So, I did continue to share and open up and get help/support, although at first I saw these people as “temporary” since they were all called in for a pilot study or test trial; there wasn’t much belief that we would stay in touch.

Never the less we all shared vunerable stories and struggles we were facing. I was sharing often with a smile on my face and trying not to be too much of a burden. Back then I still felt somehow like a burden, but there were aha moments where these people showed me or got me to realize that we are holding an organic authentic conversation, despite sharing our struggles, or blindspots that we have.

It is also through these groups that I met the theta healer. I met her in the pilot study and she offered me a healing session in September 2020. I did not get back to it, as my mental state was going down the slope at that time. Then when we met again this year in February, she said it was totaly fine, and said it is okay to come back when I feel ready. At the end of the test study, we both knew, we both were ready for that theta healing session; she just had begun her practice in August 2020 and still was filing on her skills. These people helped me along the way to ask for help, or better said, kept saying it is fine to ask for help or share something if I need a reflecting board. I did eventually in the process.

From some of them it is that I learned things about HSPs, empaths and energy as well. So I did not only look at books and blogs. Since I did not share much of the human interaction that I had, I can see how it could be misunderstood that I am lacking “human interaction aha moments.” I did have those as well, but for some reason the biggest aha moments I have are after the interactions on my own, or random moments where I am usually also alone. I am probably just processing information.

Also, I do think it might have taken me a while to see or grasp the form of support that comes along the way. Me being used to taking of other people’s needs and little of my own or receiving it, had to kind of first learn again what it is like to receive support. In fact this came up in the theta healing session; I know that there are people I can go to for support to, but I won’t allow to receive it. So I was setting myself up for self sabotaging throughout my life.

However, I think I am doing a better job at asking for help. Last week I asked people which title name they would find more compelling and which image that creates in their head. I was surprised how many people replied, especially the speed at which they replied. I am aware that this sort of question is “lighter” in its nature. I do not think every one is open for “deep” conversations or discussing “heavy” or “sensitive” topics.

The reason why I put these words in quotation marks, is because to me, I did not find many of these topics to be so heavy/deep/philosophical. Since I am used people being vunerbale towards me I’ve heard stories from loss of a parent, divorce, child loss, finacial struggles, the so called “dark” sides of people; altough I found them to be rather human these things. Maybe I was rationalizing again and empathisizing.

Maybe that is just what we all fear – being considered good or bad. This does not exactly exist since it is a construction we have created in our mind that cease to to exist when we believe in them; as our actions and behaviours are judged in our own minds by our own set of morals. Before I rant on, what I want to convey, is that I think for many of us it is hard to talk about our emotions, needs and desires so it might be trickier for people to hold such conversations or listen to them.

Yeah, people can also just be busy with their own lives and don’t feel the need to communicate that often. I had to let that sink in for me as well and acept it together with the life changes we are all going through. Some of the friends used to wonder why people no longer stay in touch, or kept saying they are looking forward to emails and messages, or wrote on the social pages how they are waiting for replies and guess that they have to be patient before a reply comes, so that confused me. It is like two contradictory statements. From what I heard/read it seems that many people prefer to stay in touch with people with who they share more face to face interactions. As a nomad, that is hard to keep up with but I can understand; after all I also prefer physical face to face interaction when possible.

From one of these friends I hear kind of. It is a sporadious ghosting I would call it, but with what they have shared with me, I am guessing they are doing the best they can and impriving their own behaviours. (they told me that directly). What I found, to be an appropiate way of responding is sending less messages and when I do, they are more simple in nature.

Also, I found myself expecting less replies from people. When I do receive them I am happy, but I keep in mind that I also do not have to be there at the instance for others and can look out for my own needs. I can openly share that I will get back to them later or a couple of days later. I no longer say “it is okay” when I do not think it was, but instead reply to other content of the message that both people can enjoy. That way I am not unconsciously teaching people it is okay to treat me like an option, but also that way the messages sound kinder or possible feelings/residue of guilt deminish; I used to feel a bit guilty when I would reply late, starting with a day late.

I understand better now that when life is busy and people are under stress people are more forgetfull. Maybe they really did mean to be there for me anytime I call or message, although were hardly ever. And if I do have something urgent, I  do not mind sending out messages again or calling them without scheduling for a call after not having received any reply. Seems like a good way to cope with it, for me.

TeaK, I think you are correct; I did have some of my needs met. It may not be to way I imagine, but I am staying connected somehow to people and bonding was there. I cannot deny that. And I think, I have more strong bonds shared with several people than I think I have. Not saying that these people were there for me, as I would have liked, or that I became best pals with most, but the moment(s) were strong/vunerable itself.

I have a question. What are healthy ways to release emotions like anger, sadness, depression to avoid the the risk of rationalization. By now, I feel like I can call out my emotions. I do breathing exercises when I notice I am detecting anger, or I go for a walk. I dance it out, sometimes I write it out. I talk about things with my mum or sister. Are these all different ways, or is there more to it? I am asking out of curiosity.

Kibou