Dear noname:

“My fear is that I may not be willing to keep.. being in pain like this”- there is no benefit in pain unless there is meaning to the pain/ unless you can perceive a future benefit for you in feeling the pain. The meaning/ benefit is in your child-like cognitive understanding of your pain, of its origin, of where it’s coming from.

I am not talking about the uncommitted, flimsy kind of rational understanding that you already expressed, dressed in academic terms and elaborate concepts. I am talking about the bare simple truth of what happened to you as a child (way fewer words and way more power in the few, simple words).

anita