@Dannydan Thank you for your reply and kind words.

I read your posts about what happened with B and I have an advice… Listen to her, hear her words.

You were posting here last weeks, and mentioning how you can’t wait for the wedding, can’t wait when it’s going to be only you two, mentioning your bubble you enjoy so much.

I’m aware you may not like what I’m going to say, and I’m sorry if you don’t. I’m trying to help. As a woman, something sounded very familiar with me, when you wrote:

“She said she was already aware her culture was dictating certain things for the wedding so she had tried to take on even more of the load to stop me from feeling overwhelmed but in the process she herself had began to feel like she was drowning and pulled in all directions.

She said the fairytale wedding she always dreamed of no longer appealed to her (this made me feel sad as I’ve been moaning so much I’ve taken the joy out of it for her too) she said if it was up to her she would elope. But she came with family whom she has always prioritised, it was important for them to celebrate the milestone. It felt to her that I was not embracing that aspect of her as much anymore.

She’s right because selfishly i love it when it’s just the two of us we just get so lost in our own bubble. I’m family oriented but her family dynamic is very different to mine. It’s not just parents and siblings it’s extended family which I have never really experienced and many more obligations. In one way it’s inspiring and beautiful but in others it’s daunting when it comes to events.

She said as her fiancé the very least she expected was I’d want to be more involved, supportive but every task was met with a moan (@Jay2023 I don’t know if you are the same but I realised I despise the fuss around these events. I look forward to the moment she walks down the aisle and we cement our union but the rest I’d quite happily skip!)

She said she had wanted me to WANT to do things not feel like she was guilting me. Also realised the fact I wasn’t instinctively would mean in future she may have to struggle alone.”

And now in your posts, you are again mentioning:

” I think it is quality time which like I love too and we enjoy each other’s company to the max when we’re together, it feels like we are in a bubble of our own.”

As I understand she comes from a different culture and has a big family. That probably won’t change completley when you get married. Yes, you will live together, and she won’t be as much with them, but I believe, except if you two don’t move really far far away, they will always be a part of her life. It seems that’s important for her. She wants to integrate her in her life, to be there for her, to help her and be a support. She wants you to accept that. And I believe she would do the same for you.

So listen her, and be there for her. Accept all parts of her life, and try to find a way for both of you to integrate your lives. You shouldn’t lose things that are important to you because of you partner. I believe she is ready to do that for you, since she would be supporting if you would accept your ex friend and ex request. You need to do the same for her.

There is  never going to be only you two in bubble, not all the time. I had experiences with men who liked when we were together, but never integrated me in their lives, their family, or let me do the same for them. and I wanted to, I wanted to compromise. They were afraid of that, and wouldn’t do that. I believe you care for her, and want to marry her, and you are ready for that. But you need to listen her, not moan when she needs your support and compromise. Listen what she needs, see that and give that to her. And she will do that for her too, she already seems to be doing that. And she needs to feel like you WANT to do that, not like she is making you.

She seems like a wonderful woman, but her family, her culture are a part of her life, and I think you should try to accept that and find a way, you two together, how to handle that. Together. And I trust in you two. But you need to talk about that, and not just ignore it, and work with that.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Rhaenys.