Hi Anita,

I feel like the last months I’ve been like a person on a bumper car ride at the fair…I crash into one thing and then another and another. I turn around and someone hits me in the side and the back. It feels physical and maybe manifested as the back pain. It hasn’t ended but with each crash I tense up more and more. Every day brings a new problem, every day I feel im hanging on..barely able to stay sane or even wanting to continue like this.

I met a client who has gone through divorce recently, she is struggling with money and has also sustained a back injury or pain…this is not really a coincidence is it, the same things. My colleague was also inconsolable about arguments she had with the boss, the difficulty the abusive pressurising. There is nothing more to say except leave. My neck became so stiff from the stress of keeping in anger, of trying so hard to keep it together.

If I could let go of the injustice and anger with other people’s behaviour, maybe I could deal with it. My ex I´m sure is fine with his decisions. He will say he just moved on and because no one questions the actions of a man (sorry its true) he will get away with the cruel details of how he did it. As a man he will feel guilt but also won’t spend long feeling that way. My boss will say she “had to make a decision” on the future of the company and that is why I have been bullied and sabotaged in my work. Fake concern with colleagues and then being “broken down” in public at our meetings.

I just want people to be held accountable for their behaviour, as I sure have in my life. Instead it seems I am being beaten down by all of the evil side of people. Today I just feel so angry. I have felt like that most days that I have to interact with them.

Ironically my parents have been supportive and now I feel bad that I would complain about them…its all bitterness building up in me due to all the horrible things that have happened. They are not so aware how hard it has been for me.

Wow, another awful day.