Thank you Sarah!

Your kind words and guidance gives me hope. I have started journaling, and it eases my mind while doing so.

I’ve been in and out of counseling for 4 years now. I realized that counseling made me unhappy and actually made matters worse. As I was directed to ‘get in touch’ with my most negative feelings and analyze the pasts in order to transcend the present situations. It just made me realize that I was a real mess and it just fueled an already depressed state. To relive my fears and regrets, inflicted more pain. My therapists insisted that unless I dealt “head-on” with the negative experiences and unconscious drives, I would be miserable forever. In addition, most of the time, my therapists would “inappropriately” prescribe me psychiatric drugs like Imipramine and Prozac. I have struggled with heavy drug addiction in my teens. MDMA and cocaine were used on a daily basis. And yes, the therapists all knew, still, they felt it was safe for me to use prescription drugs.

I can try to calm and soothe my mind when I’m awake. By journaling, even for a short time, I can get some relief. But the nightmares and the anxiety attacks, the feeling of getting choked, the shivering, the sleep paralyzes, the feeling of dying every morning, have increased my Somniphobia.

Maybe what they’re saying is true – “Sometimes, you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand back up taller than you ever were!”