Hi Javier, I felt compelled to sign up so that I could respond to your post.  Some of the issues you have had during your life I too have recognised in my own life.  Have you ever looked into codependency, I have recently realised that I am codependent, some of the things you mention, feeling responsible for other people’s happiness.

It must have been very traumatic as a child watching your father treat your mother in that way, you probably desperately wanted to help your mother but your little self obviously wasn’t able too and this will have certainly had an impact on your life and may well account for some of the struggles you have been experiencing.  When we go through traumatic events we often store the emotions internally, this can show up years later as chronic pain, depression, anxiety and until that stored experience is processed this will continue, somatic therapy is very helpful in this area.

I would suggest you look up generational trauma also, there are some really helpful accounts on Instagram on this subject and codependency, if you feel this could relate to you I would highly recommend joining codependent anonymous- it is free online meeting, it has helped me so much.

You need to focus of taking care of yourself(healing) and learning to love yourself,  you can’t hold little you responsible for your mother abuse, you were an innocent by stander who has also been greatly impacted .

Sending healing thoughts 😌