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Reply To: I need to write this pain away- ex hang ups

HomeForumsRelationshipsI need to write this pain away- ex hang upsReply To: I need to write this pain away- ex hang ups

#379918
sossi
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Hi Anita, Thank you for understanding that sometimes its just…well writing it out but also someone seeing this is wrong. If i could write with hindsight i would say that perhaps a great deal of people´s mental issues can be caused by the negative choices made by others. In my case, my ex is a common situation but the work situation bothers me maybe more…because i dont feel i can do much about that. Ive had a situation like this before and now here i am again. Corrupt bosses who are weak managers and turn to people with underhand ways of doing business…it must be the norm.

Im try to look from the outside into my situation, to see how it looks from other peoples´perspective. I feel a lot of shame for complaining. I want to be a strong and successful business woman with a great life and a happy home life but i am not. I know that there are people going through a lot like me. And im lucky to still have a job but at times it feels like it could break you.

As i get older of course the people who are my clients get younger and i realise i missed out on a lot. Work has been at the centre of my life because i never make much money and always seem to be at a disadvantage. I can´t seem to break out of working for others when ive had many ideas for self employment, i never had the funding to start something or a solid idea or connections. I dont live in my native country so there will be no natural source of funding.

The unfair situation at my work i know includes some clear examples of discrimination but at a certain point you are faced with the ugly truth. Do you have the money to fight this? What will you gain from fighting this? and the answer is, im a small person with not much money battling it out against the kind of people who are big fish in small ponds. and its a small world. Im worried about burning bridges and i dont have many connections. But the anger i feel has been burning me up. Its unfair! but i have to keep my mouth shut.

I have to say that i already spent time off work due to the stress, and used that disability time to try and find another job. But the terms and conditions were not good. I weighed up the difference and it didnt seem to come out well.  its tough to start again. One of my colleagues tried to leave, she had more years experience than me and a year later came back with her tail between her legs….

In my mind i can handle almost anything, ive been through so much. But when someone pokes at me on a daily basis like it seems this family member just has to, it sends me over the edge. He is playing with fire.

I am somewhat calmer today and had a good result at work but whenever i am around them at the office something is always triggering bad feelings. I need to find a way to not care at all about them.

I have to say that although ive read about other people in toxic work situations i dont tend to meet so many friends or people in one. I guess because they leave before it affects them! But right now i just cant leave without a decent amount in the bank.