Maybe I have to go beyond my limit this time. Try to move on for once, try to be logical when being abandoned for once. I desperately need him and I even started to think about when I can come back to the city and I haven’t even left yet. I sometimes see people, some friends going beyond their limit and actually be presumptuous in a bad way and feel bad about myself and get upset about them, Even get angry towards them without expressing it. I guess I get jealous of this, being presumptuous. I never feel like I have the right to be like that and when somebody does it, without having the right, I feel awful. Maybe it’s my time to do some stuff that I don’t have the right to. Just a thought.

I just want us to give a break so that I can be back, safe and peaceful again. Like I was a year ago. Even weeks ago, I felt so peaceful to go to sleep while he was already asleep.