Dear Murtaza,

of course i do, im human after all, i desire love and have normal emotion, almost, i don’t understand the need to say such obvious facts.

What you said previously suggested that you felt fundamentally different, because you said:

i was created in a way that guarantee misery

You weren’t created differently, nor are you sentenced to misery forever. Your experience growing up probably involved a lot of rejection, but you decided it’s your fault that you’re so needy. You wanted love but couldn’t get it, perhaps you were even judged and reprimanded for wanting love. That’s why you started believing that there’s something wrong with you, that you’re created in a wrong way (i was created in a way that guarantee misery).

At the same time, you don’t want to change to fit your parents’ and the society’s expectations. You believe that you can only receive love if you change to fit the society’s expectations, and you don’t want that. If the society expects you to relinquish love and become “tough”, then you’re right in not wanting that. So I understand your resistance to change.

my number one goal is to have the easiest life there is, that means no fighting, no changing, no struggle, no people that might make my life harder,

my mother always takes the easy way, its a deep problem that takes root in my teenage years

If you would like to talk more about how your mother took the easy way, you’re welcome.

so i can have what i need ? i don’t think so, i mean i can understand why i have this, but whats the point if i can’t satisfy a bits of it?

You can, if you’re completely honest with yourself and admit your legitimate need for love, without blaming yourself that it’s wrong for you to need it.