I don’t know what would  be the purpose of our communication

how about just two people talking ? understanding each other? knowing them fully, without any need to change the other, that sounds good to me, although i know you don’t wanna share your personal life, that means i will be the one to be understood and get known, if that is alright with you

In regard to your previous thread, it must be under another account

yes i made a new one, thinking that i will be ignored from that account, if i posted.

that you are very, very miserable

i should mention i was suicidal at that time, and i was on my bad days, luckily right now im on my good days, when i used to talk to you i had mostly bad days, worrying over nothing, wanting to cry most of the day, since when im on a good day i don’t feel the need to talk to people or post stuff, i always appear online very pessimistic, i am very pessimistic but there is a good side too, a side i can’t show unless you see me in real life.

wouldn’t be a mercy if I just ended my life

i gave a good example of why, and i still think suicide might be a mercy, right now im just not suffering much, so it doesn’t come to my mind, the example i gave was “if my son, suffers, for no reason, and he can’t help himself (not wanting to change), and i can’t help him, it would be an act of love, to spear his life, since i know i don’t and won’t change, and i know also that without at least accepting some ideas of society i won’t live a happy life, and by happy i mean to have my basic needs met, sex and intimacy, the highest thing that makes people satisfied, love, and everyday i live, i see myself losing those, the love that i could have, and sometimes i blame myself, for not changing, but i am really Stubborn, its actually run in the family, OCPD, some qualities at least, i see it both in my mother and little sister, i might be wrong of course, but it make since why im so Stubborn on some ideas, why i am ready to die for such thing, right now i could say that im contentment with myself, i still might have some bad beliefs and habits, i might dislike life when bad days come, but right now i feel at peace, what i always wanted and valued, and i know for a fact living normally would mean less of this peace

that better that you change your life so that you will no longer be so miserable!!!

the thing is, the things that makes me miserable is part of me, part of my personality, GAD and OCPD and being pessimistic, they wouldn’t just disappear, i don’t think that having my needs will fix those, but the price in order to have those will make me more miserable, and i know this for a fact, and its not only 10 years thing, its continuance price, if i ever marry where i live, not having a job wouldn’t be an option for me, even if i have money, the girl family won’t accept a man who doesn’t work, even she might have some trouble, and its so hard to find people that wouldn’t mind, and i really value my time more then money, i wished it was the other way around but it isn’t, i worked in the past, and when i get home i used to feel so empty, i felt i just wasted my time, and when i get home i would be so tired to do anything, just for a couple of bucks, i hated this so much, the thing is where i live the standard job (if you are lucky and extrovert enough to find one in the first place) will take most of your time for few bucks, i knew that if i should work, it will only because it will threatening my survival, then i won’t feel so guilty for wasting my time, guilt for me is a major problem, i might not using it in a good way

i will replay to the rest of your post separately, since i wrote a lot above.