You don’t demand much, unlike your older sister, right? If I remember well, you mentioned once she too was narcissistic, like your father. She could demand stuff for herself, same as your father could. How did your sister behave around your father? Did she have a problem expressing her needs? And around your mother?

She is better when it comes to expressing one’s needs. But she is problematic in relationships as well. She gets overly attached, then she spends the rest of the relationship with the fear of losing, and then she eventually loses the person. She is angry with my mother, she can see the things that my dad did good for us, for example, affecting us in terms of intellectuality. But she never sees the stuff that mom did, she is angry with her. She simply cannot forgive her, or maybe she just doesn’t want to confront some stuff. Also, she cannot get along with our dad, they fight all the time. She is very hard to get along with, just like my dad. She lives alone, currently single, with lots of failed relationships. She becomes more like my dad day by day.

 I can imagine your sister was different and demanded things more freely from your mother? And got her attention too?

I was with my mother when I was a child, meaning, no one else took care of me. I guess there were several periods where I was with someone else, but no one ever affected me in the way I express myself. So I guess, whatever I’ve learned, I’ve learned from my mother. But my sister was with my dad’s mother for a long period of time and I’m sure this affected her a lot. I don’t really know them, my dad’s parents, I was not very close and we didn’t share much. As a result, my sister is much more frigid and narcissistic. She is not uncomfortable making others upset. She always finds a way to do this. Even last week, she manipulated my mother into adopting another cat instead of adopting herself, she made my mother do it. And my mother currently lives with 7-8 cats, just out of softheartedness towards them. Then my mother was stuck between my sister and her husband, not being able to make anyone happy. Now, they’re considering separating because of my sisters’ manipulation and the husband’s intolerance because of him not being able to live with that many cats.

This makes you feel jealous – because your sister was loud enough and rude enough to get what she wants, without even deserving it.

No, never. I would never feel jealous of my sister. She has experienced much more violence from dad, even from mom. She was brought up to be like this, and then she ran away to a boarding school not being able to stand any longer. We were apart, all the time. She didn’t know me much, because she didn’t have the time. I feel for her sometimes, she is 11 years older than me. I feel like she might’ve felt jealous of me in old times. It seems like after she ran away, the violence slowly decreased, and then with the divorce, I’ve had a much easier time growing up. And this could be true, I feel luckier than her. She’s got way longer walls than me and this makes me sad. But she can also make me upset sometimes, but I’m used to her being this way. I’ve accepted her the way she is.

I guess I should try to neutralize myself and try to get a better grasp of what I might need. I’ve talked with my mother for 3 hours today, since they’re in a huge fight because of a tiny cat. And I’ve expressed how she can be overly obsessed with a subject, with animals and how that can be an escape from the humans which she is not comfortable loving. And I’ve also said that I can see this pattern in my life as well. I guess I’ve learned this from her. She accepted, this huge fight eventually made her understand this. But I’m not sure if she’ll try to get better in these terms, she is considering separating, moving to a tiny cheap house with all those cats to overly obsess more and more each day and she calls it freedom.