Dear Murtaza:

About my note to myself to not give you advice and saying that I expect it to be difficult for me, your reaction was: “then don’t.. I would like to make our conversation as easy as possible for both parties”- what makes  it easy for me to communicate with you is that the two of us are honest with each other (and I don’t mean perfectly honest, so please don’t worry about perfection). You wrote to me earlier that you will try to be honest with me. It’s fair for me to say: I will try to not give you (unrequested) advice. I am looking forward to keep my word and not give you advice: it will make me feel good about myself.

You explained that a person with a personality disorder feels that whatever is wrong with him is “a natural thing of his self”, unlike a person who suffers from depression (a mental disorder that is not a personality disorder) who feels that what’s wrong with him is not a natural part of himself, and therefore he (or she) would do what it takes to fix what is wrong and “get back on track” . So, you figure, that because you feel that whatever is wrong with you is a natural part of you, and therefore, it can’t be fixed (or if it can, you refuse to fix it)- then it means that you have a personality disorder.

As a person who was rightly diagnosed with a personality disorder, I can assure you that a person with a personality disorder knows that there is something very wrong with him/ her, very wrong. That a person with a personality disorder often refuses therapy (and will not discuss what’s wrong with him/ her neither with a therapist nor with anyone else- it’s not because they think there’s nothing wrong with them, but because it’s too scary to look inside themselves.

P.S., I no longer fit the diagnosis of any personality disorder.

“I admit I do have MMD, but I’m not like the ones who have it, I hate when they come to me and offer advice, like they have a single idea what is like to be me”- you have a very strong need to not be grouped with other people, a very strong need to be seen as an individual unlike any other.

BER: Baby Escaping Responsibility.. let me consider your self-diagnosis proposal.. I don’t think that it’s correct because you are responsible: (1) you don’t have children, and therefore, you are more responsible than millions of parents who don’t take good care of their children, (2) you don’t have a job that harms other people and the environment, and therefore, you are more responsible than millions of employed people who harm others and the environment, (3) you are taking care of your needs for food, shelter, medications, etc., by using retirement money that is rightly and legally available to you (you are not hungry or homeless, nor do you steal and profit otherwise from committing crimes).

anita