Dear Murtaza,

You started your thread with the notion that you’re fundamentally different than other people, moreover that you’re created differently – “created in a way that guarantees misery”. This difference is “different personality, different values, beliefs, way of thinking”.

Now you say “i just wish someone tell me this truth, that yes, it is, in this whole stinky world, there is a person that validate me, validate my thinking”

I would like to propose that “you” are not the same as your thinking or your belief system. “You” are more than that.

What is sure is that you’re human, not an animal or an ET. You were born a human baby, and you had the same needs as every human baby and child: to be loved, shown care and affection, to be seen, to be validated, to feel like they’re special and unique.

Since you haven’t received that, you concluded that you don’t need it. You disowned your hurt inner child and adopted a belief system, a way of thinking that you identified with:

they did hurt my past self, not me though, the here and now me, thats the real thing, thats the one that can’t be hurt, my past self doesn’t exist anymore, only a fraction

You believe that your wounded inner child doesn’t exist any more, or “only a fraction”. You believe your “way of thinking” is who you are. You also believe that your way of thinking is not something you have chosen but something you were born with – like a software with an error. You believe that most people have a well-functioning software (those are the “normies”), while you have a faulty one. You also believe you don’t have the free will to change it. That’s why you say you’re “created in a way that guarantees misery”. In your view, you’re programmed to be unhappy and thus, you’re doomed.

Although you identify with your way of thinking, your wounded child is still inside of you, and it wants to be loved and cared for:

i also dream there is someone who is hugging me while, understand my pain, sympathies with me, hold me,

Your also wants to be seen, understood and validated:

“i just wish someone tell me this truth, that yes, it is, in this whole stinky world, there is a person that validate me, validate my thinking”

And you want to be special. You make yourself special by proclaiming that you’re different from everyone else, that you’re “differently programmed”, even if this program doesn’t serve you. Yet, it serves one purpose: it makes you feel special. That’s why you don’t want to change, because you believe it would destroy your “specialness”, your uniqueness.

You, as a normal human baby, had the same needs as other human babies. Those needs are still in you (to be loved and cared for, to be seen and validated, to be special). But you came up with a “way of thinking”, a mental construct which tells you you’ll never be able to meet those needs because you’re created differently, with a faulty programming, so there’s no point in even trying. But your idea that you’re created with a faulty program is a faulty program itself!

The only benefit you’re getting from this faulty program is that you believe you’re special, even if it’s in a negative way. All the other parts of this program keep you miserable. The question is whether you want to keep identifying yourself with your faulty program, or you want to see beyond it, to your essence?