Dear Murtaza:

You do notice when I enjoy talking to you (and when I don’t). I am impressed.. you are keenly perceptive when it comes to emotions.

“if only there is just one woman, just one (in the area where you live)..”—“even if there is, its nearly impossible to talk to her, since in Iraq there is no social settings… even if I somehow talked to her, then what?”- I just looked at photos from the summer of 2020 at avax. news/ a look at life in Iraq, to see how women are dressed and a bit about how daily life looks like in Iraq. I also read some from Wikipedia’s entry on Women in Iraq.

“The way I see it, is that its just my programming, valuing women too much and have a dreamy thinking on how it could be to be in a relationship.. the truth.. if you say relationship in Iraq, the very next thing that appears to anyone minds is marriage (responsibility), to me this feels like a cage.. I will never bring anyone into this world, unless I know they gonna have a happy life, with this mindset.. most females won’t marry me, since their parents would want babies.. it’s actually smarter to just give up and save the unnecessary suffering, I actually have no choice here, I know that this is the truth, and I’m obligated to lessen my suffering and go for the easy way…  would HATE myself if I do such thing”, such a thing as getting married, taking the expected route of work, marriage, children.

I took a long time reading this morning. I slowly read the paragraph above, letting it sink in, and I understand you today better than ever before. I see your choice as thoroughly sensible. Even more than making sense, I see it as a GOOD choice because it includes not hurting anyone (!) and not bringing children into a life that’s likely to be a lot of suffering (!!)

I get it. I hope to read from you soon.. what is the temperature there, I wonder? And is there a lake close to where you live where you can get into the cool water on a hot summer day?

anita