Dear Anita

No need to apologise for your long post. I take a solace in writing too. It helps to clear my own mind and at times give more creative means to my own feelings when I channelise it via poetry.

You wrote “ It took me a long time to truly understand that really, really.. there is nothing I can do to make her happy. I still wish that she was happy. I am smiling right now at the thought/ image of her being happy, but I know that I was not, can not, would never be able to make that happen.”

These words made me smile and shed a few drops of tears at the same time! Perhaps, we all know that from within. But, the relationship with a parent is so so deep!

“My sister is 6 years younger than me and while I stayed at home all the time when not in school, my sister was out a whole lot, busy with friends etc., but when I left the country at 24, my sister was alone with my mother for the first time, and that’s when she was hurt the most.”

Ah! Siblings. I left the country when I was 25 and my sister was left behind. She is an introvert unlike me…she usually tailed around me wherever I went. My friends were her friends and they treated her as a baby. I do sense she was at loss without me. She was a tall, slender girl. She started gaining weight rapidly after I left India, often sticking to her room to minimise interaction with my parents.

I also want to thank you for sharing your story Anita. For years, I have had been this person who felt like an imposter (Very much like Donald Draper from Mad Men), getting around socially by my charm and wit. In an Indian society, it was such a taboo to speak against your parents or tell someone how things were wrong at home (except closest friends and they didn’t know any better as they were same age as mine!)  I still struggle at times with it but then I have learnt that not everyone needs to know everything. Authenticity is such a rare thing in society.  I am sure there are so many people like me who have struggled but maybe are so afraid to voice themselves when it comes to sharing their burden. For the past two years, at least I am trying to be authentic to people to truly say how I am feeling instead of “I am fine”. I feel so light after that!

“you will have a lot of power to help/ make a difference in your child’s experience of life,  while having no power to help/ make a difference in your mother’s experience of life. This is why better invest in your child, and no longer in your mother.”

Thank you for these words. Yes, the thinking is to be there for my child and I can’t wait to him/her. 🙂 I have always wondered over the years, what sort of mother I will become. I hope to become a kind and compassionate one.

Namaste87