Hi Murtaza,

I am on holidays starting today, and won’t be spending too much time at the computer. But I am glad you showed a little bit of interest in healing, although don’t worry, I am not holding my breath 🙂 i.e. I have no expectations from you to go for it, to start unpacking your childhood or anything like that. I am pretty tired at the moment and not very focused, but I didn’t want to wait an entire day without replying.

Since you offered your help, and you asked about my childhood, what exactly this help gonna be? and what exactly do you want me to talk about?

Well, you can tell me a little about your childhood. How you felt, when were you happy, when were you sad or scared or embarrassed, how you felt around your parents (e.g. were they supportive or criticizing/punishing), etc etc. Whatever comes to mind that sort of stuck in your memory, either in a positive or a negative sense.

I don’t want to give you advice but to help you understand things better, e.g. understand what emotional needs you haven’t had met, which then caused problems later in your life.

I kinda like you teak, i miss this kind of people, the funny thing is, i lost them before i even have them, how fast did that happen, maybe there is an afterlife afterall, a community of kind people, a job that’s isn’t a waste of time, a reduced fear and anxiety, a partner, a different mindset, that would be heaven, too unreal, this motivates me to do it,

OK, notice there’s a part of you, even if it’s a very slight small voice, which believes that maybe, just maybe, there are valuable things in life, and you could have them too. Just notice it. Try not to dismiss it immediately, even if it’s “too unreal”. I know you said you don’t want any advice, but this is a little bit of coaching, if you’re open to it.

but i develope more apathy along the way when i don’t, im in this hole deeper and deeper, its too late now to fix, and we should close the whole hole

And there’s the other part of you, who is apathetic, says there is no point, says it’s too late now to fix. It wants to give up. It has already given up.

So there’s a small tiny hopeful part, almost unnoticeable, almost completely silent, very weak, and a big and strong hopeless part, which always wins the argument.

If you could just notice those two parts – without judgment, without wanting to get rid of either of them. Just be aware of them, know that they are there. Tell me how this sounds to you, and if you’ve managed to notice those two parts inside of you?