Dear Wind

Thank you for your detailed post. Many of the things which you have mentioned in your post, I have already come across those concepts before, I have reflected upon them. I have used some of them to make improvements in my life.

E.g. I have mentioned before, I have forgiven my parents for their behaviour, there is no longer a burning anger inside me.I am also grateful for things which happened to me in my life. It made me study very hard, doing two degrees at once and also a degree and a full time job in my early twenties. My father’s misjudgements with money, taught me to be prudent of my own financial dealings. I bought my home (however small) together with my husband at age of 28 in one of the most expensive cities in the world.I am debt free except for the mortgage.

My mother’s state of mental health, reminds me to take care of my own. I am not ashamed to be vulnerable and take help. Her terrible relationships with people, ensured that I had my circle of dependable people.

I am thankful to my parents for teaching me to read and write, give wings to my ideas and helping me shape opinion. They are far liberal for people of their generation as well. For an Indian girl, I was never asked to wear this or that. I am grateful for them teaching me to treat people from all classes equally and being confident in every environment. I was taught to eat at fanciest restaurants as well as from shanty tea stalls. To always have a sense of adventure and explore the world.

But, I am not at a stage where I am thankful to my parents for the other things they do or did. I end up feeling helpless and guilty around them. As you said, I try and manage my responses but there are days when my mind simply cannot take it. I become a prisoner to my emotions so to speak. May be with time, this will go away.

I will meditate upon this and look at it from a third person perspective in coming months.

You mentioned a lot about SOUL choosing things…I am not sure how to interpret this at all. As someone raised in a Hindu household, took upon to read the Bhagvad Geeta out of interest at about 17/18 from my grandfather’s library, these concepts are not alien to me at all. Ever since, I was a teenager, I have been trying to look for answers for the problems which I have faced.

This has made me dip into philosophy, Vedic astrology (I know the basics and use it as a guideline), self help books, phycology and now meditation. On a personal level, I may be ok with concept of my SOUL choosing my mother and father. Maybe it was a past life karma.

However, as a practitioner of law of this material plane, I beg to differ on this concept. Does it mean that all the horrendous crimes committed against people are as a result of their own choosing? As my favourite author/contemporary philosopher puts it in his book “How the World Thinks : Julian Baggini”, is karma also an instrument/excuse by those in power to suppress the destitute?

Was it right for people who were my carers to molest me as a child (3-5)? Did my SOUL choose a mother, who when I narrated these things happening to me (when I was 23/24) accused me of lying and refused to listen to me?

Maybe she was in denial, but couldn’t she hug me instead? I believe this is the hardest part for me to understand in the SOUL choosing theory. I am not even angry towards those people who molested me. I have no feelings towards them. I just think they were so very wrong.

I would end this by saying thank you for taking your time to write to me and remind me of staying in the present moment.

Namaste87