Dear natie:

You are welcome and thank you for your kind words! It’s not too much trouble for me to elaborate on the three points:

(1) “he is wrong”- he is emotional, you say, but when you told him about the affair you had with a woman he was not at all emotional, didn’t seem to bother him (maybe because the affair was with another woman vs. a man. I don’t know).  Fast forward (8 months, was it?), he brings it up- not because he was in pain about it- but because he wanted to cause you to feel pain. Guilt is a form of pain, and in my personal experience, it is a severe kind of emotional pain. He wanted to cause you severe emotional pain (and he succeeded) for his selfish purpose of manipulating you to do what he wanted you to do.

This makes him Wrong.

(3) “the breakup was right for you!”- it is Right for you to break from a Wrong man

“(2) you are not at all the devil or any kind of a horrible woman”- you are just not. But because you felt like a horrible girl when you brought a bad grade to your mother, and when you otherwise failed to make your mother happy (or to prevent her from being unhappy)- deep inside, you believe that you are a bad girl. An allegedly bad girl grows up to be (in her mind) a bad woman.

This core belief does not disappear without work, over time. You are  vulnerable to be made to feel guilty by manipulative people like your ex-boyfriend in the future, for as long as you don’t address and resolve (as much as possible) this untrue core belief. If you want to start addressing it with me, you are welcome. Otherwise, you are welcome to post again anytime, on this topic and on any other topic.

anita