Hello Jalen,

You say that you have recently lost your father to Covid – this could be affecting you quite badly so I hope you have been able to grieve, that you have made your peace with him and that you have some happy memories to look back on.  A simple ritual like lighting a candle for him and saying a prayer or playing his favourite music can help with this.

Anger can be managed.  One of the best ways of helping you to overcome this is learning correct breathing techniques.  Hold your hand on the area between your lower ribcage and breathe fully into your hand (your lungs).  If you do this  a few times your anger will begin to subside.  Focusing on your breath for a few minutes each day is very therapeutic.

Building self esteem is far easier than you may think.  Begin by writing yourself a list of all the good characteristics you possess.  You have already mentioned some of them – loyal, honest, kind, giving.  Say these words, and any more you can think of, over and over to yourself until they are well and truly embedded in your psyche.  Remind yourself every day that you love yourself and that you are every bit as good as anyone that has ever lived before or will ever live again (this is the truth).  You have come into this life with your own set of characteristics and your own purpose.  There is only one YOU!

For every word of criticism that enters your head, counteract it by giving yourself praise.  You cannot change your mother, but you can change your reaction to her and her words.  When she stops having the desired effect on you, she may stop the behaviour.  You may need to give yourself thinking time before responding to her.  Alternatively, you may have to walk away from her abuse.

I hope you can work things out for yourself.

Best wishes

Peggy