July 2, 2021 at 7:51 am #382228JalenParticipant
I’m new to this forum and just need to vent. I feel like an awful person but I know I’m not. I’m on a journey to self love and improve on the things I don’t like about myself. I have zero friends, recently broke up with my ex, I lost my father last year to Covid and I feel overwhelmed.
My biggest problem is my anger. When I get mad I can say some hurtful things to those closest to me (mainly the person I’m dating). I know I have low self esteem because my mother wasn’t the nurturing type. She has done and said some pretty awful things to me, my brother, and my father over the years. I guess I’ve learned this behavior from her and I hate it. I don’t know how to maintain healthy relationships and feel like I’m always the One giving and giving and giving and it’s not reciprocated back. It has taken a toll on me and I’ve neglected to truly love myself. I don’t like what I see in the mirror. I am a very loyal, honest, and kind person for the most part but I don’t like myself. I’ve gone to therapy over the years and it has helped some but I feel like I’m going back into my old patterns. My mother is quite toxic and I constantly hear her criticism in my head every day. I just don’t know what to do or how to fix the broken person inside. I feel like I may have lost the best guy due to my insecurities and low self worth. I constantly never feel good enough. All I lm focusing on now is healing myself and being a better person.July 2, 2021 at 10:06 am #382288BDCParticipant
“All I lm focusing on now is healing myself and being a better person.”
I have read and understand what you have said.
This is the point that means everything, follow this path and all will be well , find yourself, love yourself, accept yourself. 💜.July 2, 2021 at 12:11 pm #382319anitaParticipant
I am sorry you lost your father to Covid…
“My biggest problem is my anger. When I get mad I can say some hurtful things to those closest to me… My mother is quite toxic and I constantly hear her criticism in my head every day”- to lessen your anger so that it doesn’t overwhelm you, you have to stop hearing your mother’s criticism of you.
This means that her criticism of you in real life has to stop (if it takes no contact, then be it), and that her criticism of you in your own head has to stop as well. It is easier and faster to achieve the first, but way more difficult and it takes longer to achieve the second.
If you would like to discuss this with me, please do.
anitaJuly 3, 2021 at 11:33 am #382348PeggyParticipant
You say that you have recently lost your father to Covid – this could be affecting you quite badly so I hope you have been able to grieve, that you have made your peace with him and that you have some happy memories to look back on. A simple ritual like lighting a candle for him and saying a prayer or playing his favourite music can help with this.
Anger can be managed. One of the best ways of helping you to overcome this is learning correct breathing techniques. Hold your hand on the area between your lower ribcage and breathe fully into your hand (your lungs). If you do this a few times your anger will begin to subside. Focusing on your breath for a few minutes each day is very therapeutic.
Building self esteem is far easier than you may think. Begin by writing yourself a list of all the good characteristics you possess. You have already mentioned some of them – loyal, honest, kind, giving. Say these words, and any more you can think of, over and over to yourself until they are well and truly embedded in your psyche. Remind yourself every day that you love yourself and that you are every bit as good as anyone that has ever lived before or will ever live again (this is the truth). You have come into this life with your own set of characteristics and your own purpose. There is only one YOU!
For every word of criticism that enters your head, counteract it by giving yourself praise. You cannot change your mother, but you can change your reaction to her and her words. When she stops having the desired effect on you, she may stop the behaviour. You may need to give yourself thinking time before responding to her. Alternatively, you may have to walk away from her abuse.
I hope you can work things out for yourself.
PeggyJuly 3, 2021 at 3:55 pm #382388RichardParticipant
I am sorry to hear of the passing of your father, as well as your other struggles you are dealing with. As someone who has struggled most of my life with mental illness, I would like to be able to provide you with a magical solution that would instantly make things better. Unfortunately, from my experience, it is an ongoing process, with victories and setbacks, victories and setbacks. I believe you saying “All I lm focusing on now is healing myself and being a better person” is evidence that you have taken a HUGE step to feeling better. It is not an easy step to take, but you are taking it. Give yourself credit. Give yourself credit for sharing your feelings here. That took bravery. Give yourself credit for recognizing areas you want to change. You are taking action, which is HUGE.
I hope you continue to focus on yourself and on healing. Go at your own pace. You will get there.
RichardJuly 6, 2021 at 2:19 pm #382500JalenParticipant
Thank you all for reaching out and giving me much needed advice. I apologize for my delay as I’ve been busy and taking time to myself. I’ve found myself a therapist who seems to be a good fit. I’m taking each day one at a time and am feeling better. Although I know I’m depressed I am trying everything to get myself out of this rut and see the glass as half full. The support on this site is immeasurable and profoundly helpful. Thank you all for taking time out of your day to acknowledge my troubles and give me strength.
<3July 6, 2021 at 2:58 pm #382502anitaParticipant
You are welcome and thank you for expressing your appreciation for everyone who replied to you. I wish you well in your therapy, and please feel free to post again anytime you would like to post again.