Dear Dandan,

It’s like half of the time we both are super excited and happy and other times I get depressed mostly post afternoon and evening.

My depression though it sometimes doesn’t have any main reason, is sometimes because of my unaccomplishment.

I believe your depression is rooted in your childhood, living with a depressed mother, whom you could never make happy. That’s the reason you felt and still feel bad about yourself, and why you need alcohol and other stimulants to soothe your pain, to forget about the pain. That’s also the reason why you feel unworthy and incapable, and haven’t accomplished the things you wanted to accomplish.

You’re now experiencing the results of your low self-esteem (insecurity, depression, addiction), but the reason for your low self-esteem is in your childhood. If you want to start healing, you’d need to focus on healing your inner child.

I was similar to you, had an eating disorder and super low self-esteem, low accomplishment, and lots of insecurities. I didn’t need to get on medications but I started attending therapy. And a really big breakthrough came with healing the inner child – addressing those unmet emotional needs that I had as a child. I am quite confident it would help you too.

But if I still can’t get over her, and can’t be with her either, not able to think about marrying other girl either, am I doomed ? I am so scared. I feel like which ever path I take I am doomed and going to be miserable.

It appears you did have a strong bond, but mostly because of your internal state (depression, confusion, insecurity), you were unable to maintain and sustain that bond. You were sometimes depressed “for no reason”. I know the feeling: even when everything seems fine on the outside and you should have all the reasons to be happy, you cannot – there is something inside you that won’t let you. That’s the inner child who won’t let you be happy, until you heal him.

In your present state, I don’t think you could be happy with any other girl, and it may be that she is “the one” for you. But you’d need to heal yourself enough to be able to sustain the relationship and not reject her love.