Dear Murtaza:

Your Problem, as you presented it, as simply as I can phrase it, is this: you live in Iraq, you are unemployed with no intention of ever getting a job, you need an irl woman’s love, no way to meet women irl in Iraq, no woman in Iraq will love an unemployed man, and you have no intention to move to another country.

There is no Solution to this Problem.

You submit posts about your Problem here, and elsewhere on the internet, I imagine, and you receive responses. There are people, here and there, who are sincerely touched by your pain and desperation, wanting to help you, and so, they suggest that (1) your thinking is wrong and therefore you need to change it, (2) bi-pass/short-cut your need for an irl woman’s love by loving yourself, and/ or by asking god to love you.

As far as #1 goes, there is some wrong thinking on your part (says I), but also on the part of members replying to you (says I). You are very, very confident that your thinking is right, and your opinion about the thinking of the majority of people (aka “normies”) is very, very low. It sets a very, very.. very  high bar for any member to convince you/ prove to you that your thinking is wrong on any item. Not surprisingly, no member has been able to satisfy your requirement for proof that your thinking is wrong on anything.

As far as #2 goes: you stated that you don’t believe in god, so god is out for you (as it is for me), and loving oneself cannot possibly provide a lifetime substitute for a person’s need to be loved by a separate person. We are social animals, and just like a dog does not wag its tail unless  he sees another dog, or another person, we too cannot wag our emotional tail for long when we are alone.

Being very confident, when you communicate with other members who are also very confident- the arguments start: a member (like I did plenty) says gently or harshly: look what you wrote here (quote).. it doesn’t make sense, let me correct your thinking!.. And look what you wrote there (quote), you are wrong, Murtaza, wrong, wrong!

Murtaza then says: no, you are wrong, you don’t know what you are talking about! And so it goes on and on and on. And what is the point of these arguments- why does Murtaza waste his time this way.. and why do members waste their time this way…?

Because Murtaza has a lot of time in his days and nights, and he has nothing better/more interesting to do with all that time, and .. neither do I. So, here we are.

I see the solution you proposed in the title of your thread: ending your own life (“wouldn’t be a mercy”?, you asked). You said that if anyone gives you a rational argument with evidence that you should not end your life- then you won’t. Reasonable, conscientious people don’t want to be given that kind of responsibility, thinking something like: oh, oh, if I don’t give Murtaza a good argument and evidence, his blood is on my hands!  To make it even worse, this is a public forum, anyone can read it: no conscientious person wants this kind of responsibility (yes, says I).

What are you really getting out of posting: I think that you are getting some excitement here and there, some joy:  sometimes liking online people, other times angry at them, arguing, insulting.. other times being nice, and altogether, it is engaging, it makes time pass more easily, better than doing other things or nothing at all.

What am I doing here, what is my motivation: like you, I am engaged: learning about human behavior is my passion, and I have no better way or medium to learn than right here on these forums. Do I think that I can help you, really? At times I thought that way, now I highly doubt it, I mean: what are the chances that my words on the screen, words among the thousands that you will be reading today from people all over the world, will make a significant difference to you? And what difference could it possibly be? I think that the answer to this question is most likely: Nothing, really.

I am imagining a young Murtaza on the other side of the world, reading my words right now, maybe he just had his favorite breakfast leisurely, maybe he will soon go up to the roof with cappuccino and a smoke, maybe he is hearing his younger sister voice in the background, maybe she is arguing with her mother.. the air conditioning is on, you can hear it. Here it is right after 7 am, the birds are chirping, there is a very distant sound of traffic, I can hear the computer’s motor, my coffee is cold and needs to be re-heated.

You decide, you choose- to reply to me, or not. It is a bit of free choice, or free will, isn’t it: to type or not to type, to argue or not to argue, to answer this one person but not the other.. little choices like these.

If you choose to reply to me, I am okay with it. if you choose to not reply to me, I am okay with it. In case you do not reply: I will not initiate another post to you and I do wish you well.. with a smile on my face, liking my image of you in my mind, sitting on the other side of my computer screen.

One more thing before I go: strange thing, to me, that you seem to think/ feel that you are the Only One in Pain, the Only One Stuck.. but then again, that’s how I used to feel. Pain is still reality, the thought of more pain is very scary, and I am still, as always, stuck in a world where people badly hurt people. But I am not alone, there are too many people like me, and there are many in pain who still want to make the world just a bit better, just for today. It feels better to.. not be alone.

anita