Dear Murtaza:

“I woke up today.. I touched my nose and it felt like it the first time…  the dreams were about… feeling love, having intimacy”- even a dream about being close to another person in a loving way makes us feel real/ one with our bodies, I am thinking. Alone and lonely for too long- we feel removed/ detached from our bodies.

“I don’t want you to think that I don’t read or care about what you say or you in general”- thank you.

“From now on, assume that if I didn’t reply to a specific line from your post, it just means that I had nothing to say, and when I try nothing comes to my mind”- I accept, good to know.

“One question comes to my mind, and if its too personal ignore it, what exactly made you angry with me? So I can avoid such thing in our future conversation”-

– the short answer is that what made me so angry were these words that you said to me on June 27: “I should say, me saying that you are correct, it wasn’t accurate“. The context: I was confused for a long time about your positions on different topics, and I do not like to be confused when clarity is possible. So, on June 26, I studied your thread long and hard, and came up with 1-4 items of understanding. I then asked you: “Is my understanding in this paragraph 100% accurate?” You answered: “Yes anita, as always”.

On June 26, I was satisfied that my hard work paid off, and that I understood 100% correctly. On June 27, you reversed your answer, and in so doing, you pushed me out of my comfort zone (clarity), and back to my discomfort zone (confusion).

It angered me very much that your “Yes anita, as always” was not sincere, and that it may have been a patronizing statement, as in saying something like: oh, anita, you really like to always be right, don’t you silly girl.. so, let me give you the candy you crave: “Yes anita, (you are right)as always”.

But, even if you didn’t mean to patronize me, the fact that you answered insincerely (what I referred to later as intellectual dishonesty) was enough to get me fired up.

“I try not to harm people with my individuality”- good to read this.

“If we are talking about me being rude, you know how much I get offended by their posts and replies, how much I consider them rude? Why should I take their rudeness?.. I won’t be that guy, who holds what he want to say because its nicer, it only hurt me because I won’t like myself very much then”-

– I am ALL for you saying what is true to you as it is. I am not AT ALL for you compromising your truth so to be nice. (I can’t stress this enough).

Thing is, if I am to use your term.. not all normies are created equal: some are rude, others are insufferably arrogant, seeing those they are trying to help as inferiors, inferiors who need the help of their .. “superiors” (this arrogant attitude in itself makes helping people an impossibility), and yet others are nice people who do not see you as inferior to them, people who are really reaching out to you with a pure heart. I am suggesting to be nice to the latter group of people.

“I will provide a solid argument to why I think freewill doesn’t exist, but I will only do that after you say that you want to participate in this argument, and don’t view it as ‘argument’ its more like both parties understanding the other points and give a better explanation, its growth”-

– a fair argument on topic X has to be based on both parties agreeing about what X is. I gave you my definition of Free Will: “Free will: the possible human ability to pause between an emotion and the motion that the emotion calls for, and choose a different motion or no motion at all. For example: I feel angry at the dog=> I want to hit it (and I know I will get away with it unhurt)=> I don’t hit the dog.”.

Give me your 2-4 lines straightforward, clear definition of the term, and we can see if we are talking about the same thing, or two different things. If Free Will means one thing to you, and a different thing to me- there is no basis for a fair argument.

“I will tell you what triggers my anger… When a person claims something about my life without evidence (aka you don’t love yourself, my life is similar to yours). When a person thinks he is allowed to tell me what to do or what to think or feel, what to believe and what to value”- as I understand it, it angers you when (1) a person makes unchecked assumptions about you, not asking you before assuming, and (2) when a person is arrogant, thinking he/ she is superior to you and therefore is here to tell you what you should think and feel so to.. be less inferior that you are (?)

The arrogant attitude (#2) disgusts me. And yet, it is possible (I’m afraid) that I did come across this way in the past, having had this disgusting arrogant attitude myself, yuck!

“When a person compares his life to mine, he usually is got over this period, so what I imagine when he starts advising is (I’m better than you, I got over this, I just did this and this, you can do that if you want).. the superiority thing bothers me, he think that he is superior then me and allowed to tell me what to do, and that I must not know what’s best for me, correct me if I’m wrong, and this is a new thought so its more like a hypothesis that I might change”-

– Amazing, you know that I read one part of your post, reply to it, then read the next and so forth. So, the part I quoted right above, I read it after what I wrote to you about arrogance and superiority. So, obviously I agree with your hypothesis.  One more thing to add: you know that my passion is learning about people, this is why I’ve been here for over six years, daily, for hours per day. Every once in a while I come across a member who sounds so intelligent, so all-together in their replies to other members…but sooner or later, as I keep reading, I can see that they do not have it all-together, far from it. It humbles me. I think that I used to sound arrogant. I don’t want to sound/ come across that way anymore. (Also, you’d think arrogant people are confident- far from it).

“One of the reasons that I don’t pursue the feeling of love, because it’s not under my control, I only focus on the things I can control, feelings aren’t, but I welcome them when they come… I never love anyone who doesn’t love me back, and yes i control such thing, lol, I don’t know but its one of my powers you can say”- this is the healthiest/ wisest thinking I read/ heard in a long time. I am positively impressed!!!

anita