Dear Peace:

Oh, good thing then, that you are no longer in that LDR.  About your sister: please do not listen to her at all. I trust your experience with the “so called superior class” of your caste in Germany: you described those experiences in your threads, including being sexually harassed and abused by those alleged superiors.

Her concern is “What people will say?”- People are busy with their own lives. Once in a while, let’s say, this or that person thinks: oh, look at Peace, she married a man of a lower caste, shame on her.. and then they go back to their own lives. Yet, what they may think at this or that moment carries so much importance to your sister. When considering a man to marry, it is not people/ strangers who will be living with him, it will be you who will be living with him day in and day out, every night for years to come.

“She advised me to not talk to him”- I advise you to not talk to her.

“This new Guy was a student here, he came here completed his studies ..doing his job living a decent life ..he is respectful, wants something real  like marriage.. is helpful and cares for me, responsible, we enjoy each others company and much more …it’s very strange that these all thing doesnt matter in our country just the caste matter …she replied ‘but they are beautiful they have colorful eyes, etc.'”-

– Your sister, and much of the society she is part of, values caste. In addition,  she values a person’s eye color. Caste and eye color are not a matter of personal/ individual choice, and do not at all indicate a person’s decent character. You value decent character: personal responsibility, respect, education, and hard work.

Your sister can pursue what she values in her personal life; you need to pursue what you value in your personal life.

“They all are busy in their own life.. I’m sure they all wont be happy with this guy”- they, your family members/ anyone who disapproves of your husband-to-be: they will not be living with him, they will continue to be busy with their own lives. Better you get busy with your own life, and choose the man who is right for you, because it is you (not them) will be living with him every day and every night.

“I’m anxious about future and should I really be thinking about this caste issue ? I don’t think it should matter”- I agree, it should not matter to you.

anita