*continuing from the previous thread above*

Since separating from her, as usual i’m having anxiety everyday… i know that i’m repeating this but i keep imagining lots of scenarios. I dont know how will i survive this everyday…

I need to accept if any boys might try to get close to her on uni, but it’s so difficult for me to accept that… i guess this the scenario that keeps driving me insane… why cant i just accept that scenario.. i hate myself..

And also everything around me seems to go downhill, now that i’ve graduated and settled in this city which is helping my parents business. I feel like the chance of exploring like on my uni days is gone….and also most people who’s at my age right now is already busy with themselves (working and relationship)…. I feel like i find it difficult to accept adulthood…. I keep comparing myself to her… as she just started uni, it must be nice for her to be able to meet lots of people and she can explore lots of things.

It’s always been this way… few years back when i’m on uni and she’s on highschool… i also feel envy of her that she’s still studying at school and i feel anxiety that she might have a crush on someone on highschool. Like i’m always tracking her life progress and it drives me insane.

I know that i should focus on improving myself, but it’s so hard to stop thinking about her… i tried brainstorming with myself to convince myself that this is for the best… well my mind was convinced then the next day i’m thinking about her again…

I think the only way is to find someone new, but i’m so tired of relationship… like i want to be alone now.. i dont even want to talk to anyone… i feel like if i can disappear now i’ll be really happy. I’m so tired with life… it never goes my way…. It’s hard being me. I always keep praying so that i’ll have a good relationship life with girls.. but it never came.