dear:teaK & anita

ow. thank you hearing a completely non bias person tell me that this isnt all my fault feels so good.

to answer your first question. ive done lots of shadow work. ive healed all my bonds with family members. ive learned to allow and welcome positive things into my life and to change my negitive thoughts into positive ones….

ur second question.. ive been sexually assaulted by my step dad.. and my mom who is no longer didnt belive me… my dad has always made me feel like my opinion and thoughts arent valid. and through that ive never really felt like anyone could truly understand me..m i guess i feel guilty for some things but its mostly fear of abandoment.

my whole life my brother has been selfish and treated me awful. my dad verbally and mentally abused me. my mom died and i have no friends.. and because of all of these things it doesnt allow me to bask in relationships. im just in fear of the end.

and i feel like with my most recent ex i really took a look at myself and decided to change and then now its never enough. i feel like hes not at all understanding to my situation. when if it was visa versa id forgive him and put it behind him.. but he just cant seem to…

everything will be okay and all of a sudden we get into one fight and hes done and wants a break  and i love him and want to work it out but he isnt texting me and visa versa and im scared that as soon as i let go and dont turn back thats when hell come running back.

and i think thats why ive allowed myself to be sad for so many weeks because it keeps the wound from healing and it keeps the relationship alive in a way.  i have so much to say but this would go on for 80 pages lol.