Dear Gary,

something else occurred to me – she opted for a night job, which seems like a pretty radical way to “break up her daily boredom”. You then practically didn’t see each other, because you were busy the entire day (full-time job plus rehearsals in the evening), while she was away the entire night.

Her choice of job also might have been her way of showing protest to your not paying attention to her, to letting her work in the night shift instead of stopping her and showing that you care about her. But you didn’t pick that up, but rather got involved in an affair yourself…

It shows you both made some rash, immature decisions at that time. The difference is that you’ve later realized your mistake, regretted it and apologized, while she hasn’t. You wanted to repair what was broken, she didn’t.

I wonder if you’ve ever apologized to her for not being there for her enough in those first few years of marriage, and for suggesting she should find a job, instead of spending more time with her?